Bailey Boo and Monkey, Too!

DaDa is Coming Home Today!

2012-02-08T14:31:00.000-05:00

Jedd has been gone a lot this year.

And we have missed him. A lot.

It is both sad and sweet that Wes and Bailey can so adequately articulate the missing in their hearts.

They say things like, "I want my DaDa."

Yesterday, Wesley's teacher at Child Watch said, "Wesley wasn't himself today. He came up to me and said, 'I'm sad.' When I asked him why, he said, 'Because I am missing someone.''

Bailey told me last night when her Daddy came home she was going to give him a big hug and a big kiss.

When Wesley says his prayers, he always asks God to watch over his Daddy.

He has.

And he's coming home tonight.

And we will give him a big hug and a big kiss.

And the sadness will be over because we will not be missing someone anymore...

Things They Say

2012-02-03T13:31:00.000-05:00

Time for another post full of the funny, sweet and sometimes super-insightful (and always entertaining) things Wes and B have said lately:

Wes was giving me a rundown on who was a boy and who was a girl. I said, "Mama's a girl." He said, "Mamas are the best girls..."

And when I said that Dada was a boy, Bailey said, "Dada is a MAN."

Wesley randomly informed me that "After the rain comes the rainbow."

Wes and Bailey were watching a movie, and I was dusting my bedroom. Wesley came into my room, and I said, "Hey! You want to help me dust?" (He loves to help me dust). He said, "Mama, I am twying to tell you somefin. Bawee stopped the movie, and it is NOT the end. It is the ginning!"

Wes and I went through a phase of night time routines being very dramatic, because he didn't think I had snuggled him long enough. One night he even said, "Mama! I am just going to DIE if you don't snuggle me!" (For the record, I never say "I am just going to die" phrases. I never even say the word die around them, except when we talk about what Jesus did for us.) In addition, I totally snuggled with him some more.

My future sister-in-law came over to MeMaw's house and said, "Hi Bailey!" To which Bailey replied, "I am Bawee Boo and this is Wessy Boy!"

My father-in-law asked, "Where are all the pretty girls?" Bailey answered, "I right here."

Bailey was pretending to be a dog and Wes was tossing a ball for her to fetch, except he thought that fetch started with a b. ahem.

Another day, they were pretending the living room was covered in mud and Wessy was stuck in it. Bailey had to save him. Wes looked at me and said, "Bawee is being the hero."

Wes and Bailey pretend to give each other haircuts at her vanity. Wesley took some fake perfume and sprayed her hair and said, "This hairspray will make your hair long and strong." (I am seriously dumbfounded by where he gets this stuff from!)

My mother-in-law started calling Bailey "Jamie Junior." She even got B to say that was her name. For a while she would correct her Daddy anytime he called her some other affectionate term with "I am not (insert sweet term), I am Jamie Junior!" One time, we were in the car and we were listening to some country song and it said something about a little darlin' (which is what Jedd usually calls B) and Wessy said, "That song said your name!" Bailey said, "I am not widdle darwin, I am Jamie Junior!"

Bailey named all of her dolls Sophie.

One evening, Wesley was having dessert and I was loading the dishwasher. He said, "Mama, God is in this room." I said, "He is! Where is he?" He pointed to the wall that had the phone on it and said, "Right there." I said, "What's God doing?" He said, "Just watching me." I said, "Cool. What does he look like?" He answered, "Jesus."

Wesley has been confused lately as to why Jesus will not come out of his heart so that he can touch him.

Bailey asked to do the Nochio dance. I said, "Pinocchio?" She said, "No, Nochio!" I asked, "How does it go?" She started singing, "Put your right leg in..."

Wesley told me he needed to do a vishin. I said, "What's that?" He said, "The thing with Jesus." I said, "A devotion?" He said, "Yes." (In a way that was all duh-like.)

Wesley loves some treats. He will eat treats all day if I let him. He was asking for some more goldfish crackers and I suggested he eat a banana. He said, "Mama, bananas do not get the hungry out of my mouth!"

I showed Wes the dirty cotton swab after I cleaned his ear one night, and he said, "Ew! Ear poop!"

While It Was January

2012-02-02T22:10:00.001-05:00

I didn't post much in January because my laptop is broken, and I have to do all computer things in Jedd's office on his computer. And that's just too much work sometimes. But a lot of cute things happened in January, and I don't want to forget about them so I'm going to do a quick catch up...(mostly for my own records--I love love love being able to go back to any month in the last few years and see what we were up to and how much the babies have grown).

Speaking of growing, check out the height wall!

It's hard to see, but that bottom line is how tall B was on January 16, 2011. The top is how tall she was last week. She grew SO MUCH this past year. I mean I knew that, but seeing it like this just blew my mind.

My birthday was in January. Jedd was out of town so it was just me and the babies that morning. I told them it was my birthday. Wes asked if it could be his birthday, too and I said, "No, it's just mine." Later, he gave me a birthday cake he made out of blocks. I said, "Thank you so much! Are you going to sing to me?" He said, "First, let me light the fire on it." And he proceeded to light pretend candles. Then he stood back and sang Happy Birthday to me. My favorite part, and this part totally made me cry, was when he said, "Happy Birthday To MAMA." I told him that was the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me! He later gave me a laptop, a camera and a sprinkler made out of blocks for my birthday. Talk about a spoiled Mama!

I just love this kid. He seriously yanks my heart out every day with his sweetness.

Bailey asked me what kind of birthday I was going to have. I asked her what she thought, and she said, "Prolly a house one." She cracks me up. I asked her what kind of birthday she wanted, and in 10 minutes time she changed her mind from Mickey Mouse, Dora, My Little Pony and a Princess one. I'll be waiting until the middle of October to plan hers this year!

Wesley said he would like a big rig birthday, and I thought of course he would because they don't have a big rig theme at Party City! We'll see. I'm waiting until June to start on that this year. Seriously, I haven't googled or pinterested "big rig party" yet! Of course, my laptop is broken...

Jedd came home for a visit, and we were able to celebrate my birthday. MeMaw came and spent the night with the babies, and Jedd and I spent the day and night in downtown Portsmouth. It was so much fun! I love it when we get to have some time away together. We are very fortunate to have so many grandparents to our cute babies who get really excited to spend time with them!

We've also been doing some learning around here :) Ha! Sometimes I think my expectation gets a little too perfect in my mind and then I get discouraged and just stop (anything). So we've been taking baby steps with this school stuff. And it's been way more fun and doable for all of us.

Bailey is currently obsessed with puzzles. Seriously. She does about 10 a day. She wakes up asking for one. She just has to do one more before she goes to bed. It is her favorite thing to do. And she's really good at them! I love it! (I also really love puzzles)...

She did that Dora one all by herself. And she is not intimidated by a 48 piece puzzle, and she can totally do a 100 piece with a little help from her Mama.

Wes and Bailey have been playing together so well lately! It has been awesome, and I have just been so blessed by it! I seriously think how blessed I am and how thankful I am that they are so close in age. I remember when I was prego with Bailey and pushing a baby Wes around and people always had an opinion. The ones who had kids close like Wes and B were so excited for me and sang its praises and the ones who didn't put the fear of a mental breakdown in my head. I would totally be one of those people that told a total stranger how awesome it's going to be!

Here are some cute pictures of them in the ark they built after we read about Noah. Notice the supplies they chose to have with them while it rained for 40 days...

Wesley has been really into pretending lately. That is exciting and entertaining to me. He's always something else: a dog, a construction worker, a doctor, a truck driver. He'll make up pretend situations and just tell the best stories. He gets really into pretending to be a dog, and it cracks me up when he scratches his ear with his "paw!"

January was busy and fun with them. I am so thankful for them. They are such brightness in my days!

Conversation with B

2012-01-21T08:11:00.000-05:00

Bailey likes to have a snack when she wakes up from her nap. Usually it's a smoothie and some goldfish crackers. After that, she likes to have a cookie. Wesley is normally asleep for a little longer, so it's just me and my girl for a little while, most days.

This particular day she was sitting in her high chair, nibbling on a cookie with the tiniest, delicate bites, staring at the oven in a way that you knew she didn't see the oven. She was thinking about something. I unloaded the dishwasher, knowing those thoughts would find words soon.

"Mama, Grandma likes cookies."

"Grandma who?"

"Grandma."

"What's Grandma's name?"

"I don't know."

"Grandma Jackie?"

"No."

"Grandma Etta?"

"Yes!" Her eyes lit up and she nodded with her head and torso.

"When did Grandma Etta tell you she likes cookies?"

"In my room."

"Oh. What was Grandma Etta doing in your room?"

"Playing in my princess kitchen."

"Oh! That's nice. I used to play with Grandma Etta when I was little, too."

"Mama, Grandma Etta is not sick anymore."

I searched for the breath she stole and said, "That's right."

"She also likes to play with blocks!"

"She does!?"

"And Gammy does, too."

What a sweet message my girl delivered.

A few days ago she told me that Grandma Etta lived in Heaven with Jesus. Last night, she said that Grandma Etta was at Grandma Etta's house. She stuck out her lip in a pout and said, "Grandma Etta is not at our house anymore..."

I felt sad about that, too. Silly as that is to even write, it is true.

Awake

2012-01-13T16:30:00.000-05:00

This post is linked to Gypsy Mama's 5 Minute Friday: you just write for 5 minutes, no editing, no back-tracking, just writing. Today's word is Awake:

I am awake again. Awake and alert. Alive. Someone turned on the lights for me. I crawled out of bed. I stretched my heart muscles. Reaching and pulling. Hope is my caffeine, and I can't wait to see how this day is going to turn out. I ache from the sleeping sometimes, but I needed the rest. I needed that break. I needed some grace.

But Oh how I need this new day with all of its moments dazzling in my eyes: the simple I couldn't see, the Great I couldn't recognize in my sleepwalk,

another chance to talk to the One Who was there in my slumber and will hold me up now

In this new day that wakes me

Maybe you want to join in on the fun!?!

Blessing in a Song

2012-01-12T15:23:00.000-05:00

I am just so in love with this song! It does passionate things in my soul when I hear it. I sent out a massive email to share it. It's from The Story CD. I got it this weekend, and I love love love it! This song though...sigh, I was driving, completely unaware that I would want to pull over and drop to my knees when it came on.

It is from the perspective of Jesus. Daily, I tell my children that Jesus loves them. He lives in their heart. He died for them. He chose them. He rose from the dead and He is alive and with them always. I tell them Truth all day, every day.

Sometimes, I forget to remember it for me. Sometimes I forget how much He loves me. Sometimes I think about me too much. What I'm doing. How I can do it better. How I failed. My weaknesses. My sin.

Jesus is so much bigger than me and my mistakes and my fear and my shame. He is my Joy and my Heart, my Salvation and my Love. My Hero and Mighty Rescuer. He is greater than any other...

And He loves me! And this song spoke that Truth right into the pit of my soul and it stirred it up and made it dance!

I hope it speaks Truth to you, too. I hope it makes your soul dance.

Jesus loves you.

Christmas 2011

2012-01-03T15:55:00.000-05:00

This Christmas was very bittersweet for me because it was the most fun Christmas ever, full of funny and sweet stories and memories, all of them stories my Grandma would have really enjoyed hearing. That's the bitter part. Fortunately, Christmas was way sweeter than bitter, and the gratitude to have such stories to tell outweighs the sadness that I cannot tell her...

Much like the love I have for her and the closeness of our relationship makes for the sadness of her passing, but the gratitude that she is with Christ outweighs the sadness that I cannot see her...

Besides, I will see her again someday.

All that said, I wanted to write some of those stories here. They are worth telling.

We were very busy this year! We went to Portsmouth again to see the Coleman Nursery Collection. I was a little concerned that the babies wouldn't enjoy it as much this year since they seem to have created a fear of moving, but fake, objects. This is due in large part to the dancing Grinch Jedd kept in his office this holiday season to keep curious fingers off of his desk. Think of it as a scarecrow, if you will. Except scarecrows don't move.

Anyway, once Wesley reassured Bailey and me that these things were "happy" (which is the opposite of scary, didn't you know?), they had a great time checking out all the "outfits" (elves).

Even Jedd and I had a little fun on the scavenger hunt...

Christmas Eve is our Christmas morning around here, so on Christmas Eve Eve, we left a cookie and a note for Santa. This plate says, "I have been ____ all year." I asked Wesley what we should write, and he answered, "mad." I convinced him to say something like "good" or "happy" because "mad" probably wouldn't bring them much favor with Santa.

"Please bring me some treats and toys and Sunny Patch. And big trucks for Wesley, and a bunny rabbit. Thank you." The "Sunny Patch" request caught me off guard. She watched that cartoon for the first time that afternoon so I guess that's why she wanted it, whatever it is. She didn't get it. She didn't get a bunny rabbit either...

But they were happy with what they got:

Wesley even let out a squeal when he unwrapped his firefighter dress up kit! That was cool! :)

Daddy's special gifts this year were a toy hunting rifle for Wes and a Snow White dress for B:

That afternoon we headed over to MeeMaw and PeePaw Coburn's house for Christmas Eve yumminess and fun. I got a lot of pictures of them hanging out with the Christmas tree because they were just so cute. Bailey was obsessed with the doilies, and Wesley put on a Santa hat and sat in a little chair and in his deepest voice said, "HO HO HO! Merry Christmas!"

We left there that evening and headed straight to Gammy and G-Pop's house. My parents spoiled Jedd and me as usual with lots of cool things. We visited with Boogie and K for a while, and then we all went to bed. On Christmas morning, we had a very yummy and relaxing time together. The babies got to open presents from Gammy and G-Pop, and they were spoiled, too. I got a letter from Santa in my stocking even though my mom told me that Santa was only going to write letters to the grandbabies from now on. The letter began with "You're the only big kid who is getting a Santa letter this year because you pull on my heartstrings..." The letter pulled on mine, too...I was sobbing by the end.

Santa letters are special letters he puts in your stocking each Christmas that pretty much give you a big verbal cheer for all that you accomplished that year. And it's not just like good job on that test, but he acknowledges how hard you worked or tried, etc. (My love language is words of affirmation so this has been a huge value to me for many, many years.) I hope he brings me one again next year :) ahem.

We put B & K in matching Santa dresses that MeeMaw found for them in 3 different sizes a couple of years ago, and this could very well be a tradition for a few more years! Look how cute:

Jedd went home Christmas night because he had to work the next day. The babies and I left at naptime the next day. I took the rest of the week to organize and hide toys, and just set myself up for a successful start to the new year. I had pretty much relaxed A LOT for the month of December so there was much work to be done around here!

Yesterday, Papaw, Grandma Jackie, Boogie and K came over to do Christmas. It was a great, fun day! My Dad and Jackie got the grandbabies power wheels for Christmas so he put Wes and Bailey's together while he was here. Mackenzie's was already at her house and put together. They all had fun riding in them and being out in the crisp air!

Bailey's face was priceless when she figured out how to make the jeep go! I loved it! They didn't get a nap yesterday, and it was about Meltdown O'Clock when all of this was taking place and Wesley turned into a pumpkin. My Dad was doing everything in the world to try to make Wesley happy with his tractor, and it turned out he just wanted it parked so he could put leaves in the trailer! HA HA!

There was more fun to be had with the boxes that the cars came in! So cute:

this one is my favorite!

They also enjoyed jumping on Boogie...

I like how Christmas lasts a long time with traditions and time with family, but I still feel like it ends so quickly :( And I know I talked a lot about what the babies got, but that's just more to remember. The presents are not the most important thing about Christmas and they know that. And while they enjoy opening presents, they also have the most fun getting all the extra time with our family and doing fun stuff. They think Jesus has the best birthday parties ever! While they were eating a piece of Jesus' birthday cake, Wesley said, "OKAY JESUS YOU CAN COME DOWN AND EAT YOUR CAKE NOW!!"

Oh I wish He would have... :)

Christmas Picture 2011

2011-12-30T15:53:00.000-05:00

I love it when all four grandbabies get their picture taken together. I especially love it at Christmas Time because Gammy puts them in the most adorable matching dresses and coordinating sweater. And I always enjoy looking back at previous years' pictures. I am always stunned by how much they've grown in a year, especially Bailey Boo! Enjoy:

2008

2009

2010

2011

I hope you had a Merry Christmas! We did. I plan to do a post on it someday... :)

Sweet Dream

2011-12-23T10:21:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I was so tired. I had a silly idea to let both babies have a snuggle fest in our bed the night before, and we didn't sleep well. At all. So anyway, when naptime came around it would be for more than just cute babies.

After I put the babies down, I finished a few things around the house and then climbed into Wessy's bed for a nap with him. When I woke up, I kept my eyes closed, but I could still feel that it was already dark outside, and I could feel that I wasn't in my bed and it took me some time to realize where I was and why. I didn't have that familiarity of waking up in your own bed that even without waking up, you seem to always just know where you are in relation to everything in the room, even the house. All of this confusion was slow to move on because I kept my eyes closed. They were arms squeezing tight to a friend who I didn't want to stop hugging.

I dreamed about my Grandma.

A sweet dream, sprinkled with the silliness that reminds us that a dream is just a dream. You know the sprinkles: a conversation trails off into memories about a penguin, or you are living in an igloo. But even if you take the sprinkles off a cupcake, it is still a cupcake. And this dream was just as sweet.

She was sitting across from my mom and me, inbetween my sister and my cousin. She was plump and her hair was fixed. Her sweatshirt was the kind of green between olive and sage. She still had red circles under her eyes, but she was whole and able and strong. She was talking about how the people in her family were getting along and then she trailed off with, "And then of course, I had to go to the emergency room..." And then she almost shouted, full of triumph, "But that's okay, because look at me! I feel goooood!!!"

Like a toddler who states the obvious and can sometimes seem rude, but is really just consumed with the truth and must shout it, I replied in a way that was so excited and fully aware of the gift that was her presence and said, "You are not really here! You know that, right!?"

She giggled, and said, "I know! But it doesn't matter because I feel good!"

Then our shared excitement trailed off into conversations about penguins in Heaven. (dream sprinkles)

We were so giddy. My mom was beside me, and she was so serious, and had something so important to say. She said, "What was I trying to say?"

And I told her what she was trying to say because of course I knew...it was my dream. And I told her in an almost drunken proclamation, "But it doesn't matter because she's not really here!!"

It wasn't a statement to dismiss her presence, because her presence was huge. It was just a reminder that the things of this world, the things that used to make her sad or sick, the injustices that wrecked the peace of the people sitting around her in my dream, the worry for her that we carried...it all didn't matter anymore because she was not really here in this world...she was in Heaven and those things couldn't hurt her anymore. And they should stop hurting us. My Grandma and I were making a plea for rejoicing!

It's funny that I was able to do that in my dream because I haven't been able to do that in my life. I've been too sad to rejoice her presence in Heaven with Jesus.

When I finally let myself open my eyes, it was because I knew I was awake and her image was gone. Then I jumped out of bed and ran to Jedd's office, adrenaline burning in my veins.

"Guess what?!...I finally got to have a dream about her."

And just as she used to do in my daily life, she shared some wisdom with me in my sleep, with the sweetest humor. It was the best Christmas gift she's ever given me.

Sad

2011-12-17T22:00:00.000-05:00

Sad is a heart in a million pieces, a heart so much heavier than you remember. Sad is standing in the sweet and the joy and wanting to tell her all about it. Sad is dialing her number anyway, just to see what happens. Sad is searching your mind for some chance of an audible memory of her voice. Sad is forgetting she isn't here and then feeling your head physically jerk back as though you literally just bumped into reality. Again. Sad is again and again and again. Remembering and wishing. Sad is wanting one more. One more. Just one more. What if I had just one more?

Sad is knowing the last one by heart and not liking it. Sad is bargaining with your memory and wondering if you could make up a different last one and just trick yourself into believing it is true. Sad is crazy enough to make you believe so...

Sad is praying for her face in your dreams and instead getting images that haunt you when you awaken. Sad is tears that fall while you laugh through that story you just have to tell about her again. Sad is seeing a pile of days before you that don't have her in it and wondering how they will still come. Sad is knowing she would tell you to cut that out and wishing you could for her, especially for her, but you just can't. Sad is an empty burden.

I'm sad.

I feel like I get through the day, and my soul is longing for an opportunity to scream, "I MISS MY GRANDMA. I WANT MY GRANDMA." I want to fall into a toddler tantrum, throw myself to the floor, kick and punch it and scream and cry.

But I don't. I just keep going, scratching my soul on the shattered pieces of my heart.

Flashback Friday: Wesley Moves To A Big Boy Crib

2011-12-16T08:39:00.000-05:00

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Wesley moved to the big boy crib, and I was a big girl about it.

So I begrudgingly decided that this week would be the week that Wesley moved out of our bedroom into his nursery. Jedd moved into the guest room so he wouldn't be disturbed when I had to be strong-willed and not bring Wesley back to our bed to keep Wesley from crying quicker. There would be no excuses, Wesley was going to stay in his bed all night!

I put Wesley to bed around 10:15 last night and prepared for a long night for both of us...it's uncomfortable to adjust to a new situation. But he adjusted just fine! He didn't wake up until 6:15 this morning. Me, on the other hand? I woke up at 1:30 and 4:30. I mean I had to use the restroom, geez.

So tonight is another night. Soon this will be normal and easy, right? Someone told me that milestones are bittersweet. I understand perfectly.

Random Pictures That Make Me Happy

2011-12-15T06:29:00.001-05:00

This is taken at our church's Harvest Day. Bailey had her first caramel apple, and she devoured it. She was a sticky mess, but I appreciated how much she enjoyed it!

This is Bailey at her pig party for her 2nd birthday. My sister-in-law took the pictures for her birthday, and I'm waiting on them...once I get them, I am going to do a post on the party details. It was so cute!...but not as cute as the Birthday girl!

My first Lincoln Log house! This picture looks like Wesley was more excited about this house than me, but that is just the face he was making right before he knocked it down.

Jedd's brother Josh got married in November, and the three brothers were the groomsmen. I love the face that Jedd is making in this picture. It just makes me gewey on the inside.

Wesley was the ring bearer in the wedding, and Jedd's mom made the vests for him and the groomsmen. Wesley looks so cute in this picture. I could just stare and stare and stare...

Bailey Boo was the flower girl. His mom made this dress, too. She looked like a little doll.

I love it when we get pictures of all 4 Grandbabies together! We've been doing pretty good at making sure to get them at birthday parties. This is the most recent one. It was taken at Ella's 3rd birthday party. They are getting so big.

Bailey got this "princess house" (it's a tent) from Gammy for her birthday. She puts her pillow and dolls and books in there and just hangs out. She is such a content little girl.

This is her big girl bed. I'm still in shock.

I made this little "center" in her room...inspired by the fun zebra mirror that Gammy got for her. Those zebra boxes have dress up clothes and accessories in them :)

I was cleaning up around the house and found these two trucks in different rooms. Wesley cracks me up!

My Grandma and I would always say "I love you MORE!" at the end of our phone conversations and then hang up on each other so we could be the last to say it. My mom found this sign and I have it up in my living room.

I love how Wesley thinks that pants are overrated. Me, too...

Out Of The Mouth Of Monkey IV

2011-12-14T06:02:00.005-05:00

Wesley has been saying so much fun stuff lately. Here are a few examples:

On Halloween, he said to Jedd, "Dadda, I am a monkey, Bawee is a bee, Mama is a brown (I was wearing a brown sweater). What are you?"

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One day, they were just getting over a cold...well enough to play outside but still snotty enough that I didn't want to take them to Child Watch at the gym...so I just ran outside while pushing them in the stroller. We stopped at a park on the way back, and I was doing some resistance exercises using the playground equipment. Wesley demanded, "This is a park. We play here. We do not exercise. You need to calm down."

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It is very important to Wesley, that no matter who puts him to bed--Jedd or me--that I have to come and snuggle with him. And I do. He is never done snuggling when I decide I should leave. One evening he said, "Awww...that's the end of snuggling?" Seriously? Of course not. Not now, it isn't!

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Jedd calls Wes the "blue one," and Bailey the "pink one." If you ask them which one Jedd is, they say, "the camouflage one."

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When I was leaving for Missouri, I explained to the babies that Grandma Etta went to Heaven to live with Jesus, and I had to go tell her goodbye. Confused, Wesley asked, "Jesus lives in Heaven?" I answered yes, and he said, "Um, no. Jesus lives in my heart. But sometimes I guess he comes out and walks around. And he plays in my room with me."
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I was trying to avoid using the word "die" when I told the babies that Grandma Etta has gone to live with Jesus in Heaven. So I mistakenly said, "Sometimes when people get old, they get to leave this Earth and live with Jesus in Heaven." The other day, I bent over to get something and my knee popped, and I said, "Oh no, Mommy's getting old." Wesley said, "No, Mama. You cannot leave this place!" I was so confused, but he was so upset. I picked him up and squeezed him and he said, "Please just stay with me forever." I figured out what was going on, but I didn't bring it up. I was honestly amazed that he even remembered that conversation from two weeks ago! So I just said, "Okay! Mommy will stay with you FOREVER!!"
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One evening we had been listening to Kids Praise Music while we played. They were dancing and having a great time. I was in the kitchen sweeping the floor, and Wesley ran in and said, "Mama! Jesus is coming soon! He is in the kitchen with you! AND HE LOVES YOU!"

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Wesley said very matter-of-factly to Bailey, "It's not the most anytime of the ears! It's the most anytime of the YEAR!" (instead of the most wonderful time of the year...) The irony made me giggle all afternoon.
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Wesley told his Dad, "Poop is gross. It is not food. It does not live on toast." It was random and true.
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Me: Wesley, Why do you come and get in my bed at night? Wesley: Because I was not done holding you...
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When we were putting ornaments on the tree, I handed Wesley a box that had one of his ornaments in it wrapped in bubble paper. It was a brown bear holding a baby brown bear reading a book. When he unwrapped it, the bears were face down, so it was just a pile of brown in his hand. Relieved, he looked at me and said, "This is not poop."

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Whenever I tell Wesley to take a potty break, he always protests, "But there is no pee pee living in my butt."

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Lately he has been answering questions that he is still undecided about with a "hmm...maybe so!?!"
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I have to say, these Out of The Mouth of Monkey posts are getting way more entertaining! :) He is just so smart and funny and adorable. I'm so stinking proud of him.

Wesley Is Potty Trained...I think?

2011-12-13T22:35:00.000-05:00

I started trying to potty train my sweet Monkey this summer. We had a ton of ups and downs, and I felt like every time we turned a corner, something out of the ordinary would happen and our schedule would be messed up and our progress would go down the drain...well, not the drain--more like down his leg.

I read an article that pull-ups might actually be sabotaging my efforts so I went to Wal-Mart on Black Friday with both babies (because I was on a mission and nothing could stop me) and got a Lightning McQueen toilet, a Dora potty ring (I was very ambitious and planned on just potty training Bailey, too), a half a dozen packs of underwear with various cartoon characters and trucks, a timer, and lots of chocolate. I decided that starting that Monday we would not go anywhere and our house would become potty boot camp. The timer was a huge hit...whenever it went off, Wesley would shout, "It's time for me to go potty."

Bailey made it perfectly clear by noon on Monday that she was not ready to be potty trained. She would take off her underwear and pee where she wanted or pee in her underwear and then just take them off.

Then on Wednesday, my Grandma passed away and I planned on leaving that night for Missouri, which meant leaving both babies with Jedd, and I am no fool. He was not going to set a timer and watch Monkey like a hawk for signs that he might need to pee. He amused me and said that he would, and then as though prompted, Wesley stood in the middle of the living room and peed. I said, "Nevermind, just put him in a diaper, and I'll start over when I get back."

Well, while I was gone, Wesley would tell Jedd when he had to go to the bathroom, take off his diaper and go. I mean he wasn't super perfect about it, but he was taking initiative and that was a huge step! I was excited, but confused, because Jedd never even suggested going potty or anything. Maybe I was making too big of a deal of it?

Even Bailey started peeing in the potty...

So I got home Sunday night, and put Wesley in those cute underwear on Monday, and he pretty much stays dry all day. I put a diaper on him when he sleeps, but other than that, he is in big boy underwear! The first couple of days, he had a couple of pee-pee accidents, and he had the grossest poop accident on Sunday, and that one kind of irritated me since I knew he knew better. So I told him that if he ever put poop in his underwear again, he would be punished, and there haven't been any accidents or issues since, and that's been like 48 hours!

My sister got Wesley a huge crane for his birthday, and I put it back to bring out when he was bored with his other toys. Last week, he was looking at the Toys-R-Us catalog and there was a picture of the crane in it. I told him that he had that crane and I was hiding it in a secret place, and if he kept his underwear clean for a whole day, then he could play with it. I kept putting it off to get another day.

Well, today I gave it to him. It is taller than him. He is obsessed with it. I am so proud of him.

Tomorrow, I plan on going to my class at the gym tomorrow even if he hasn't pooped by the time I have to leave. I am just going to trust that he is truly potty trained.

I have to say, that there were times that I didn't believe he would ever be potty trained.

I am going to bask in this for a bit and then I'll take the lead with Bailey. For now, she tells me when she has to pee 80% of the time and that she has poop after she has pooped. :)

Weekend Review: Christmas is Coming!

2011-12-12T14:38:00.000-05:00

What a weekend! It was all about Christmas! Honestly, I didn't think I was going to feel like Christmas this year, but my babies inspire me!

Saturday was the annual Christmas Parade, and it was so much fun. The babies took absolute delight in it all. I took a lot of pictures, but they were mostly of the babies' faces. They were just full of wonder!

Just a sidenote: those legs that Wesley was crazy close to...not related to us. Isn't it funny how kids will just get comfy with any old set of calves?!

That afternoon, I got all of the Christmas decorations out while they were napping. While Wesley was eating lunch, I got out a wooden nativity set and read him the Christmas story using the little figurines. He loved it and asked to take it with him to his nap. When I went in to wake him up, this is what I found:

When he woke up, I asked him what he dreamed about, and he said, "Um, Jesus." Oh my heart...

Bailey woke up and noticed every single decoration. It was so much fun to watch her get excited about every detail...even beads around candlesticks. Her favorite thing is a wooden snowman that she calls Frosty. She's watched Frosty the Snowman a gazillion times already and is officially in love with him, so when she saw one at our house, it was only a matter of time before she started singing to it and kissing it and telling it she loved him.

When Jedd got home from hunting, we put ornaments on our Christmas tree. That was more fun than ever before because the babies got to help. They just make everything better. Really. What tremendous blessings from God they are!

The next morning we went to church. I put Bailey in a pretty Christmas dress, and it made me so happy! Wesley also looked so adorable in his little football sweater.

After church, we came home and had lunch and then headed to Busch Gardens for Christmas Town.
We had so much fun. It was so cold, but so beautiful. I felt like I was going to cry the whole time...not because I was sad, even though I am sad, but my heart is just so tender right now, and it was beautiful and the babies were so happy, and this whole weekend was just the kind of weekend that I would have enjoyed telling my Grandma all about. I don't know how to explain it, really (I know, can you believe it?), but my heart is just so heavy and so delicate, and all the joy of Christmas just makes me miss my Grandma even more. I'm used to missing her physical presence at the holidays (because of the distance), but I always felt so close to her anyway, and she took such delight in me and the babies and the things we delighted in ourselves. It somehow doesn't feel like the joy is complete without being able to tell her about it.

Here are some pictures from our evening:

Wesley was so cute with this penguin. I am pretty sure he fell in love with her...

And YAY!...Bailey got to meet Frosty!

They enjoyed riding the rides, and I am still constantly shocked by how big Bailey is. Every time I would buckle her into one of the rides and walk away, it was like I was expecting her to protest or be scared or clingy or something, but she wasn't. She was ready to go and excited. And big.

We also saw a Sesame Street Christmas while we were there, and that was a great time! I think I enjoyed it as much as they did. Wesley requested to ride the train, and we made sure to do that. Bailey asked me what the train's name was, and I said, "Thomas?" And she said "Yes, but he cannot talk. He is sleeping." Then the conductor started talking, and Bailey informed me, "Thomas woked up!"

It was a great family day, and we will definitely be going back again next year!

Christmas Cookies: A Story In Pictures

2011-12-07T22:22:00.000-05:00

Blisters

2011-12-06T16:04:00.001-05:00

She was holding the steering wheel like a lady holds a wine glass, with her pinky raised.

I made a joke, and she said it was because she had a blister and didn't want the blister to touch the wheel. The blister was there because we were 12 hours into our 14 hour drive home...the return part of a round trip that just started 4 days before. A whirlwind of road and emotion.

Driving in the middle of the night to say goodbye. Driving back home to live the life of after-goodbye with blisters on our hearts.

Tom Petty was playing. It was the fourth disc of the five disc set of his songs live. I remembered 25 years before, how we listened to his cassette tapes while we traveled up and down the interstate to different parts of the state. It seemed so long ago, but also like only a moment had passed.

Why does time do that? Go so fast, but travel so much road...

Would the time of after-goodbye move as quickly? Or would we forever feel like we were trudging through mud to our knees--blistered, tired and sad?

My Grandma

2011-12-06T15:52:00.000-05:00

My Grandma died on Wednesday, November 30, 2011 at around 3:15PM.

The evening before, I called her, as I always did. My mom told me that if she brought up coming home to tell her she had to get rid of her infection first so that my mom wouldn't catch it. We were trying to buy time because we believed that once she got an antibiotic in her system and some food in her stomach, she would feel better by Friday. I told my mom that it probably wouldn't come up because my Grandma never talked to me about dying. I was her baby, and she protected me from things that would hurt me. My mom gave me permission to bring it up if I had to.

When my Grandma answered, I was encouraged by the strength in her voice. She told me she was sick when I asked how she was. I talked to her about the antibiotic, and that she would probably start to feel better by the weekend. She said, "Well, I'm going home on Thursday anyway." I said, "I know you talked to Mom about going home so she could take care of you, but first you have to get rid of the infection and build your strength back up." She insisted that it didn't matter because she was going home on Thursday. I asked her how she would get there. She said, "I will take an ambulance if I have to." I asked who would take care of her. She said, "I started the antibiotic today, I'll be able to take care of myself by then." I told her that she couldn't take care of herself and she just needed to take her medicine and eat so she could build up her strength and feel better. She quickly replied, "I am going home on Thursday to die..."

I asked her why she would say such a thing. She said, "I have nothing to live for." I told her I was so sorry that she felt that way, and I know that she felt overwhelmed by how sick she was, but lots of people loved her and that was something to live for.

She said those people would be better off without her. I told her that I was one of those people, and I couldn't think of one way my life would be better without her.

She said, "Well, listen here, my stomach hurts so I'm gonna have to get off here." I said, "Okay, you keep praying, okay?" And she said, "I will. You pray, too." We told each other we loved each other and hung up.

I felt frustrated, but encouraged. I truly believed that she was going to turn a corner and that if we could just redirect her motivation to getting better instead of dying, that she would be better. The next morning, I didn't call her right away because I didn't want to talk about her dying. My cousin was going over there at lunch time, and I was going to call after that so I had an idea of what kind of mood she was in.

Instead, I got a call that she was being rushed to the emergency room because her blood pressure was only 82/42 and her heart rate was 200. I panicked that the conversation from the night before was our last. I tried to talk to her, but the ambulance was already there and the nurse said I couldn't.

She died a few hours later.

And I cried a cry that I felt move up from the pit of my soul through my body and out. I wailed and groaned. I traveled through a variety of emotions, including regret that I didn't take her seriously in our last conversation. It wasn't until days later when a lifelong friend reassured me that perhaps that conversation was the best representation of our relationship. There is no way that I could ever say, "Okay Grandma...you can die. I love you..." And I didn't disrespect her or tell her her feelings weren't true. And she treated me like a big girl by attempting to tell me what I truly believe she already knew, and she respected me by not pushing me to accept it.

That night, I drove to my mom's house and we drove to Missouri. My mom drove the whole 14 hours, except for two of them.

The next few days were a whirlwind. We had a visitation at the funeral home on Friday night. My mom and immediate family got there early so we could have our own private goodbyes. That whole day I felt myself getting excited to see her. I was fearful that I was going to fall apart because I wasn't sure if I could handle the sight of her body, but yet I was excited. I wondered if I was confused. I don't know. Strangely, her body actually brought me a great deal of comfort. We fussed over her--painted her fingernails and put her pretty rings on her fingers. I smoothed down that stubborn part of her eyebrow that always stood up.

Later, more family and friends arrived. My cousin made a video of pictures set to music. She did an excellent job, and it made me miss her even more.

The next morning was the funeral. It was perfect. My Grandma was very prepared to go...she had a song that she wanted sang, she asked that I read a poem I had written her, and she gave her neighbor this poem to read to her family:

To Those Whom I Love and Those Who Love Me by Mary Alice Ramish

When I am gone, release me, let me go I have so many things to see and do
You must not tie yourself to me with tears
Be happy that I have had so many years
I gave you my love, you can only guess
How much you gave me in happiness
I thankyou for the love each have shown
But now it is time I travelled on alone
So grieve a while for me, if grieve you must
Then let your grief be comforted by trust
It is only for a while that we must part
So bless the memories in your heart
I will not be far away, for life goes on
So if you need me, call and I will come
Though you cannot see or touch me, I will be near
And if you listen with your heart, you will hear
All of my love around you soft and clear
Then, when you must come this way alone
I will greet you with a smile and welcome home.

Since I had to go up to read the poem, I decided to also write a tribute to her, and this is what it said:

My name is Jamie, and I am Juetta’s granddaughter. It is an honor to have the opportunity to talk about her today.

She was strong, fierce, sassy, feisty, proud, funny, selfless, and the most LOVING person I have ever known.

She loved people. She worried about people. If it was about her, she was good at remembering that God was in control, but if it was someone else, she worried! She prayed and she did whatever she could to help and fix it. And people knew it…

Nurses, Home-Health workers, doctors, receptionists at doctors’ offices, therapists and neighbors: they all fell in love with my Grandma. Immediately.

She loved to pick on people and carry on…her jokes were often surprising—I never knew what to expect in her humor! And oh how it warmed my heart to hear another person from her community tell her they loved her. Her neighbors cared for her like she was their own Mother. And I was so thankful for that.

My grandma was so easy to love that people who didn’t necessarily HAVE to love her, CHOSE to lover her.

She quickly made an impression on my toddlers and three year old niece. We live in Virginia and they have only had the opportunity to visit with her a few times, and she has been nicknamed “Grandma Roly Poly.” My two-year-old says, “Grandma Etta” on a daily basis and calls her on her play phone just like her Mommy. My son will forever call pop-tarts “Grandma’s Flat Cookies,” and she has kissed many a boo-boo over the phone.

Her great grandchildren shared secrets with her, looked forward to her teases and silly rhymes (like Roly Poly shot a bear and Myrtle the Turtle and Flip the Frog), and as one grandson said, “loved her with every fiber of his being…”

It’s fun to be around someone so funny. And it is often entertaining to be around someone so sassy. The jokes were on us once she got hard hearing b/c she wasn’t quite so discreet with her sassiness! During a visit to the Dining Hall at the Nursing Home, she held her hands over her mouth as though she was telling a secret, only to announce (as though my cousin were the one with bad ears) that the lady sitting across from her talked too much!

She was full of wisdom, and most of the things I know so well that they feel like they are instincts, are actually things I learned from her. And some of those things are things I learned because they didn’t work for her!..like rubbing wd-40 on a stiff joint will not make it feel better!

But most importantly, she taught me, long before I had one, what it means to have a mother’s heart. She loved her family so ferociously, and it wasn’t with a lot of sweet, syrupy words (sweet treats?MAYBE…peanut butter fudge at Christmas, jelly rolls after school, wafers before bed and little debbies for breakfast), But not a lot of sweet words…instead she poured HERSELF into us…and I would much prefer to be loved that way…she showed her love through the time she gave us—doing fun stuff: yard sale-ing, swapping books, playing games, and reciting silly rhymes.

One of my favorite things was sitting in the front porch swing with her. I’ve never known anyone more content to just BE. She didn’t have to be doing a lot or saying a lot to make the time with you feel valuable. That’s a good gift: to be able to just hang out with yourself.

Her mother’s heart made her quick to rescue her family. She gave up everything for her kids and she worked hard to provide for them, even when they were adults, she would have done anything to help them—whether that was financially or just offering them a place to stay.

She even dropped everything to come to Virginia to help my mom raise my sister and me when my mom was going through a divorce. She got a job at a laundry mat on an opposite schedule as my mom so that we would always have a parent with us.

She was also quick to defend her family, and she would not stand for one cross word toward any of them. Believe me, because I was made to back down many times when I voiced an opinion that she didn’t want to hear!

I know that for me, knowing I always had someone on my side, defending me and believing the best in me, made me want to really try to live up to that.

Grandma was one of a kind, and she had her own signature style: bold colors, busy prints, clip on earrings, red lipstick and a pretty wig! I think her favorite part of an outfit was telling you she only paid a quarter for it at a yard sale!

She also had some signature sayings:

OH TAKE ME FOR WHAT I MEAN, NOT FOR WHAT I SAY

I BET YOU A NICKLE TO A DOUGHNUT

WHAT’S YOUR RUSH?

IT’S ALL RIGHT MY WAY

WAL-MARX (You may go to Wal-Mart, but Grandma went to Wal-Marx)

I OUGHTA KICK YOUR BEEP! (she said this more lovingly than anyone ever could b/c it was usually in response to doing something for her. She didn't want people making a fuss over her.)

I LOVE YOU MORE

I OUGHTA JERK A KNOT IN YOUR TAIL

WELL, BLESS ITS HEART

HOWDY!

I LOVE YOU A BUSHEL AND A PECK AND A HUG AROUND THE NECK A BARREL AND A HEAP AND I’M TALKIN IN MY SLEEP ABOUT YOU

BAHG!

She had a fire in her spirit to the very end. Even when she was being taken into the emergency room, just hours before she passed away, she found it in her to joke with her granddaughter, flash that ornery smile, and tell her she loved her.

I don’t want to be in this world without her. I have no idea how I am going to retrain my heart not to share its stories with her on the phone every day. And that makes me sad…for me. But I have to remember that she is in Heaven now. Her body is whole and she isn’t in any pain. She’s with my Grandpa and her family and Birdie and “her people” as she called them & most importantly, she’s with Jesus—who loves her far more and far better than any of us could.

And then I read the poem.

The family dedicated and played this song for her. Then the preacher shared a sermon. The most comforting part of that was the reminder that she is not in my past, but in my future...

Her casket was white with gold trim and satin on the inside. She wore a beautiful burgundy suit that my cousin bought for her. We buried her in the rings she always wore, a Grandma locket and a picture of her beloved dog, Little Bit. The casket was covered with a huge bouquet of red and white carnations from the family with one single red rose in the center from my Grandpa.

After the service, before the casket was closed, my uncle put the rose in her hand.

We prayed at the graveside and passed out carnations to the grandchildren. We said our goodbyes to each other and went our separate ways. My dad, brother and sister left for their 14 hour drive after lunch, and my Mom and I drove back home the next morning at 4AM. My Mom drove the entire way because she needed something to concentrate on. I was blessed to have all that time with my Mom.

I am home now with a heavy heart because I want to call my Grandma so bad and tell her how beautiful her funeral was. It is going to be hard to remember that I can't call her anymore...

I am also home with a magnified feeling of gratefulness for this family that God has blessed me with...I just want to soak them up, and so I am.

Before she died, she asked my mom to have me read a poem I wrote for her at her funeral. It is called, “When I am A Grandma.”

That's My Grandma

2011-11-28T22:56:00.000-05:00

About five years ago, I picked up the phone to call my grandparents like I did on most days, and this frail voice answered the phone. My heart dropped to my stomach, and I said "Grandma?"

The little voice said, "Yes?"

In a panic, I said, "This is Jamie! What's wrong? Why do you sound so sick?"

The weak voice asked, "Jamie?"

My heart was breaking and my mind was so confused. How did she get so sick in a day, and how could she ever forget me?! "Yes, Jamie!"

The little, frail voice found some strength, and said, "Oh Sweetie, I think you have the wrong Grandma..."

I had called the wrong number. I thanked her and wished her a good day. I prayed for her and gave so much thanks to God that she wasn't my Grandma as I dialed the correct number. Minutes later, a sassy voice answered the phone on the second ring, "Well, hello Jamie..." before I even said it was me.

I told her what happened and how I freaked out because I don't know what I would do if she were that sick.

Last night, when I was trying to fall asleep, I remembered that conversation with someone else's sick Grandma. I thought about that afternoon...how it doesn't seem that far away, but how so much is different now. I wondered if things ever really seem that far away, especially when the memory is so crisp. I chided the naive girl I was that afternoon. Did I really think I would never be here?...on the other end of the phone with my sweet, but sick and weak, Grandma, her frail voice only saying what she must...too far away to help...fearful of a call that makes me sick and weak...in constant prayer--with no clue what to pray for...bargaining and denying and hoping and wishing.

Will you please pray with me? She is so tired and so weak and so sick and so sad.

This song makes me think of her. It always has, but I never told her because the Grandma in the song is already in Heaven. The other night, God blessed me with a real conversation with my Grandma, so I took that opportunity to tell her about the song. I even sang it to her. That was a moment!...because I can't sing, and she can't hear, and I can't even think about that song without crying. But I sang the whole thing to her. She said, "That's a pretty song." I told her it was even prettier sung by someone who can actually sing.

I told Jedd about it, and he said, "I can only imagine." That made me laugh out loud...just thinking about me driving with the cell phone to my ear, yelling this song with tears lodged in my throat. All the while my proud Grandma who is confident I hung the moon thinks it is pretty. Jedd added that if Bailey inherits this trait of relating her life to music, she would have singing lessons!

I want to tell you about so many things, all the ways my Grandma loved and sacrificed and made me laugh, but I am so overwhelmed by thoughts of her, that I just can't get it together to put a memory into words. I know the words will come, but for now, I just let the memories come, replaying in my heart's sight, and I just feel what I feel and cry and thank God that's my Grandma.

Today, So Far

2011-11-22T14:37:00.000-05:00

It's been raining all morning, and that usually makes me want to stay inside, but I have been sick for days, and today I finally felt like getting outside. So we spent the morning at the gym and the library. The babies jumped in a narrow puddle that gathered at the seam of our yard and our driveway before I could get them in the car. I didn't make them stop. It's just water.

When I lifted Wesley into his carseat, I noticed that the bottom half of his sweatpants were drenched. I wondered what kind of mom I would look like if I took him to the gym in half-wet pants. I decided that at least it wasn't because of pee, and buckled him in.

When we got to the library, I let B out first and asked her to stay on the sidewalk while I got Wesley. She usually listens and stands there patiently. But today, she had already gotten her feet wet in the splashing of puddles, and she spotted one. It was in the street, and she ran for it. I was getting Wesley out of the car, blindly trusting my toddler to follow directions, when I heard a "Hey! Get back out of the road!" I looked to find my B, no longer on the sidewalk, and I regretted that I had a cell phone to my ear. I got my girl, told my mom goodbye and hung up the phone, thanked the lady and wondered what kind of mom I must look like.

After I did a quick run, I returned to Child Watch to gather my happy-to-see-me-squealing babies, and we headed to the library. First, they had to walk ever so carefully along the brick ledge at the entrance of the gym just until it ended and then 'one-two-three-JUMP' they landed safely on the sidewalk, and we ran to the library.

We spent an hour there, gathering lots of books about bugs and trucks and princesses. Bailey played with sorting games, and I was amazed at all that she knew. I wondered when she learned those things, and I felt encouraged that all of my trying and talking and sharing and reading was landing somewhere.

We came home for lunch--peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Wesley's was shaped like a pumpkin, and Bailey chose a heart. We talked about being thankful and what that means. Bailey said she was thankful for toys, and Wesley is thankful for trucks. When I reminded them that we could also be thankful for people, Wesley announced that he was thankful for his Daddy.

Me, too.

I told them that I was thankful for God and Jesus. Wesley informed me that Jesus lives in his heart, and I felt encouraged that all of my trying and talking and sharing and reading was landing somewhere. I told Wesley that I was so thankful that Jesus lived in his heart, and I thanked God then and there.

Wesley wanted another sandwich, but a different shape this time. I didn't have any more bread, and I offered him something different. Bailey had a different idea and started sharing her peanut butter and jelly heart with him. They were sitting on the floor beneath my legs while I washed some pots and pans. She would feed it to him ever so gently and then slide her finger between the bread and cover it with peanut butter and say, "Here!" and he would eat the peanut butter off of her finger. It was the most gentle they had ever been with each other, and I stood over them, snapping pictures in my mind of all of it...the generosity, the gentleness, the giggles, the smallness of their little bodies, the bigness of their sweet hearts.

I am so thankful for all of it, and I thank the One Who gave it.

Big Girl Bed

2011-11-21T22:22:00.000-05:00

Bailey Boo is sleeping in a big girl bed...

She started climbing into her crib (and on top of her changing table) last week. She climbed out of her crib this weekend, so we made the transition today. I was kind of nervous.

But she was involved in the undoing of her crib and the putting together of her toddler bed, and we finished just in time for lunch and nap, so she adjusted awesomely. She only got out of it twice, and she was smiling both times. The first time she just walked up to me and smiled. I put her back down, and she came back a few minutes later, grinning ear to ear, "Mama, I got up again!!" I wasn't as perky and told her that was her last warning. And that was that. She took a 3 hour nap, and then went to bed with no drama tonight.

We're taking the crib and changing table to some expecting friends of ours tomorrow night.

It feels pretty weird that there are no more babies sleeping in cribs at my house anymore. Weird being a sappy mixture of excited and sad and stunned...

I mean, really, this time last year I was thinking about weaning her...

She just keeps getting bigger.

When A Year Passes

2011-11-18T22:11:00.000-05:00

A year can be so long, and so short. I remember Wesley's first birthday...I didn't make it through the "Happy Birthday" song because I was sobbing, just watching my first baby with a crown on his head sitting on a bumbo with a chocolate mustache. A year of long nights and sweet days flashed before me, and I almost felt panic that his whole childhood would pass just as quickly.

When Bailey turned one, I sucked in tears, but I suffered from emotional whiplash, completely in shock at how quickly my baby turned one.

It wasn't until I celebrated second birthdays for my children that I realized it's not just the first year (while it is super special) that feels so monumental. When a year passes, you feel it. And if you're me, you cry. Not because you're sad, but because you take a moment to reflect on the days that made up that year.

On Wednesday, an entire year had passed since I said Goodbye to my Grandpa.

I was sick that day. To be honest, if that sickness had fallen on another day, I probably could have pulled up my boot straps and hustled through it. But on that day, I felt horrible physically and I just didn't have the gumption to muscle through it. I welcomed the opportunity to have a pajama day.

I had braced myself for a couple of months for this day, this anniversary of sorts. Is that so weird? I feared the day, wondered if I would fall apart, if all the progress I had made in my grief journey would come unglued and I would start searching for head lice all over again. I feared the anxiety that haunted me for months after he died. I hoped that something succinct and beautiful would flow from my fingerprints on this blog or as a status update to mark the day:

November 16.

But I felt nothing except an aching body and a throbbing forehead and absolutely no motivation to fight it. Naps and tea and ibuprofen.

I noticed that my family mentioned it on Facebook, but I couldn't even comment. It was almost like I thought about him less on this 16th of November than all the other days since last November 16. Like a shield of sinus pressure protected me from any self-awareness that might make me fall apart.

I followed suit to the days that led up to this one, and I was moody and emotional and exhausted and impatient, but I had no extra thoughts of my Grandpa. I mean, it's not like a day of the year would make you miss someone more...

Except that today, I miss him more than I have in a long time. My mind has started to do that special thing it does (that I'm so thankful for) when I'm driving or alone or about to fall asleep, and it creates this flashing of the most random memory of him. I become overwhelmed by how much love we had for each other. And I miss him. I miss getting to show him that love. I miss getting to be that kid that was just her Grandpa's girl. I miss that simplicity. I miss him.

I know that I was just protecting myself...on guard for a repeat of the helplessness and panic and despair that crippled me last November 16. Today, I feel a little guilty that maybe I didn't honor him correctly on Wednesday by prohibiting my mind to consciously go there, but I couldn't. Instead, I just checked out.

But a year has passed, and it is monumental. The process of grief is exhausting and interesting and hard...and for me, it has been a journey ever closer to my Lord. This year I can more clearly appreciate that my Grandpa is with Jesus, and that He loves him even more than we do. I think of the peace and joy and Love that surrounds my Grandpa now. I cling to the Hope in the Truth that I get to see him again someday. That keeps the anxiety at bay, and I am thankful.

But I still cry, and that's okay.

Flashback Friday: Wesley's First Trip To Missouri

2011-11-11T19:28:00.000-05:00

On days like this, these kind of posts make me so thankful that I blog! What a blessing to have these pictures and access to my perspective at the time!

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Show Me Missouri

Wesley took his first airplane ride last week when we all loaded up to go visit Great Grandma Etta and Grandpa. He even sported his airplane bib for his first airplane trip!
He was an angel on the plane...not the payback I was expecting for all the times I rolled my eyes at screaming babies on planes in my pre-mommy passenger days. I totally understand now that babies cry and it's not the mommy's fault. I deserved payback, but I am so glad I didn't get it at my Wessy's expense. And as for those pre-mommy or post-mommy or never-gonna-be-a-mommy passengers who stare and eye-roll at screaming babies, they now get on my nerves way more than the screaming babies ever did...

We spent 5 days in Missouri. Grandma and Grandpa loved meeting the babies (Booger and Eddie brought Miss Mackenzie, too). The trip was a lot of work because, well, traveling with babies is a lot like moving! But it was so worth it. I feel so blessed that the same sweet grandparents that spoiled me rotten got to meet and hold my sweet baby.

A Letter To My Lost Canon

2011-11-09T23:10:00.000-05:00

Dear Camera,

Where are you? I miss you. In your memory, there are so many of mine that I didn't get a chance to upload...Grandma Etta singing to Bailey, the afternoon I rolled her hair, and Wesley riding the backhoe.

Since I've been home, so many things have happened that I wanted you to be a part of...Bailey's birthday party, Halloween, Josh's wedding and the Redskins' game.

And I'm finding it difficult to write about these important moments without your inspiration.

Are you hanging out with a TSA agent? Do you miss me, too? Your memory card must feel so empty without us...

COME BACK!

Missing Your Memory,
Jamie

Seriously, if you're gonna steal a camera, at least leave the memory card behind?!

Wesley Gets A Haircut

2011-11-03T23:01:00.000-04:00

Wesley and Bailey are going to be in my brother-in-law's wedding on Saturday, so I thought he should have a haircut...a professional one. We bribed him with a sucker. He cried a few times, but the ladies were perfect with him!

He looks so handsome! We still kept some length on it because we love the little whispy curls at his ears. I think he was pretty proud of himself, too!

Afterwards, we went to eat Mexican for dinner!

Happy Halloween!

2011-10-31T22:02:00.000-04:00

I lost my camera somewhere between Missouri and Virginia...this is very sad to me because I had video of my Grandma singing "Myrtle the Turtle and Flip the Frog" to Bailey on it. I am praying it was lost in Virginia, specifically in my house...

That said, here are some blurry pictures of my babies in their costumes that I took with my cell phone...Fortunately, you can't blur cuteness! My B was a bee, and my Monkey was a monkey.

We went downtown to trick or treat on Main Street with some friends. It was perfect! The little shops passed out candy, and there was a clear beginning and a clear end, and it was just the right amount of trick or treating. Afterwards, we came back here and had soup. It was a fun night.

I was excited that the babies were so into it this year, especially Wesley. He said, "Trick or Treat!" and "Thank you!" I was so proud. Bailey wanted to be carried a lot, and she would say, "I not fraid anymore." There were some adolescents in scary masks...so annoying. Why can't Halloween just be cute?

I hope you had a great night, too!

You Are Two: A Birthday Letter For B

2011-10-28T06:55:00.002-04:00

My Sweet B,

You are two. I cannot believe it. Earlier this week, you wanted me to carry you to all the places we went. I did. You are still so light, but you are so big...my little big girl. I would squeeze you in little bursts of happy because you gave me the chance to hold you like a baby again.

Sometimes I can literally feel my heart squeeze in little bursts of happy because of you...

So often, I look at you and just smile because just the sight of you tickles me. You catch me off guard with the conversations you are able to have with the people around you. If I could, I would rewind you a million times a day, because there is so much about you I just enjoy...and want to watch again.

And I would probably push the pause button, too.

I am crazy about you and so proud of you. I thank God every night that He chose me to be your Mama. I can barely remember my life before you, Sweet Girl, but I know this: You changed me. You forced me to trust myself better and relax...to trust God better and pray...Life is sweeter this way. Thank you, Sweet B. What a gift you are.

Happy Birthday, my Beautiful Baby...precious, precious girl.

I love you,
Mama

dum-dums

2011-10-24T21:18:00.000-04:00

My purse was sitting on my bedroom floor, and it had two dum-dums in the side pocket that I forgot I put there after going through the bank drive-thru. I was trying on the pants I had just bought, and I asked Bailey to go wake up her brother. She was playing in my purse, and she handed me receipts and coupons and said, "Here's your papers, Mama." I said, "Thank you!" over and over again. The next time I looked, she was gone, and I was relieved that Wesley would finally wake up from his all-afternoon nap.

Then I realized that I would need to return the dress I bought, and I started looking for the receipt. I couldn't find it, so I went to find Bailey to ask her what she did with the "papers" in my purse.

When I walked into Wesley's room, Bailey and Wesley were laying side by side on his bed, flat on their backs, staring up at the ceiling like there might be a cloud to make a shape out of, sucking on dum-dums, wrappers tossed on the floor beside his bed.

I was so impressed that she was so excited when she found those treasures in my purse, and instead of running to her room and eating them both secretly in the corner, she ran to her brother and gave him one and ate it with him, where he was, barely awake from his afternoon nap.

I asked her if she had Mommy's "papers," and she said, "No, I don't have papers. I just broke the suckers out and gave one to Wessy."

Weekend Review: The One That Was Good

2011-10-23T22:09:00.000-04:00

Thursday, we headed to Gammy's for a few days for a visit. It was a great visit...it was just us and her, and I soaked her up. It's been forever since I've had her all to myself, and sometimes a girl just needs that with her Mama. The babies did their share of Gammy-soaking, too. Oh let's just keep it real...Gammy was soaking us up, too! We were all so happy to be together.

Saturday morning, we headed home so we could go to Hunt Club Farm in Virginia Beach. We took Wesley there right before Bailey was born, and it was so much fun. I knew it would be even more fun now that they were a little bigger. I kept thinking that it didn't feel like that long ago that I was waddling around with Bailey in my tummy, showing Wesley all the pumpkins and farm animals. Now here we were, and Bailey was running around the farm, and Wesley was big enough to really enjoy all that the farm had to offer. Time flies when your babies are cute...

Today, we went to church. It was an awesome sermon, and we had a soup-themed potluck afterwards, I love it when we have potlucks! It is so nice to have time to talk with everyone, and the food is always so delicious. We came home and put the babies down for a nap, and the rest of the day was just so easy and relaxing and perfect! I got caught up on some stuff that was hanging over my head, and that just made me feel so much better. Jedd took the babies outside for a little while, and I sat and did a crossword puzzle. It was such a relaxing day.

I let the babies eat their dinner on the back deck, and afterwards, Jedd and Bailey went to the store to get some hummus. Wesley was playing with one of Jedd's fishing poles, and he pretended it was a rifle. He held the handle up to his eye, like he was looking through a scope and aiming, and he said, "Mama, I'm praying cause first you gotta pray before you can shoot a deer." I cracked up! Somehow he got praying and aiming mixed up, but I'm sure some folks have prayed before they finally got the deer!

Later, Bailey and Jedd came home and Bailey ran to me and said, "Mama, we got some tummus." I let them try it, and Wesley wasn't interested. Bailey loved it and pretty much used her cracker as a spoon to eat the hummus. Once Wesley was done playing, he came up to me and said, "Mama, I'd like some thomas now." I said, "Thomas?" (thinking maybe he was talking about the train?) And he said, "Yes, please." I said, "What's Thomas?" And he said, "It's a kind of food." He meant hummus. Ha! So cute.

Wesley and Bailey have been playing so well together lately. It's been so neat to watch and listen to them play and pretend and make up stories. Today, they had the best time playing in my closet? They pretended a pillow was a purple truck for Bailey. And then Wesley started handing out crayons and puzzle pieces like it was chocolate. My heart swelled when he was reading her his new "Mater" book from Gammy. I hope they are always close. I'm so thankful we were blessed with two babies so close together.

Today was just the perfect day, and I love it when days are simple and relaxing and I get to just soak up all the sweetness...

beyond

2011-10-22T22:56:00.000-04:00

I missed five minute friday, but wanted to do it anyway...on Saturday. This week's theme is beyond...

I was stretched beyond my comfort zone. First the basics: home, my own bed, my own space...Then more personal: access to my fridge when I want, those two hours in the middle of the day when my toddlers slept and I was alone, the freshness of the air I breathed, the smell of my home, the cleanliness of the things I touched. Then a further beyond the simple, further beyond the personal...

a place beyond my own control--

of how time was going to be spent and how I was going to feel...

beyond a place of understanding--sucked in, spun around and dropped into a place full of anger and injustice and desperation for a solution.

I was beyond myself, and simple comforts didn't matter anymore. I had to leave all of that behind. I had to leave myself behind.

And look beyond and seek His Peace and His Will and His Promise...

and trust His Grace...

Beyond my own understanding.

Tell Grandma About It

2011-10-17T22:37:00.001-04:00

She sat on the edge of the hospital bed we set up in her living room or in a wheel chair when my big brown eyes convinced her to just try most of the time we were there. Her hair was matted to the sides of her head and her accidental faux hawk stood tall like her eyebrows every time Bailey said a three syllable word. I lifted her when she had to pee or eat. I lifted her feet when she wanted to lie down. I lifted her spirits, or maybe it was my babies, while I was there, and it was hard to leave...

She was sitting on the edge of her bed, at my mercy to lay her down, and I didn't want to because I wanted her to be awake. She seemed so weak, and it made me so sad. Time can be so cruel....

Bailey let out a wail of injustice because her brother took away her crayon and she shot up like the center of my Grandma's hair. I didn't flinch because this is the soundtrack to my life, and I was consumed by the worry that fills a granddaughter's heart when you realize that your Grandma got old. In an instant instinct, my Grandma, in a voice that made even my heart settle down said, "Here. What's wrong, Baby? Tell Grandma about it..."

And my baby ran to her with outstretched arms, and my Grandma scooped up all 23 pounds of her and pulled her to her lap. She didn't flinch at the top heaviness she just created for herself on the edge of that hospital bed because this was the soundtrack of her heart...

Rocking my baby who forgot why she was crying while her Mama pushed time aside and watched that brown-eyed angel sing songs to my brown-eyed baby like she was hers, like she was me, and it was me...

Time can be so cruel, but memories can be so strong.

I'm linking up with Heather at the EO's 'Just Write.'

Five Minute Friday: Catch {my kiss}

2011-10-14T18:07:00.000-04:00

Today, the topic for Gypsy Mama's Five Minute Friday is "Catch." You write for five minutes about a topic, no editing, no overthinking, no rewriting. Just writing--freehand--for five minutes...

"Catch my kiss!" I say sweetly to Bailey from her bedroom door before I turn off the light and head to Wesley's room to read books and tuck him in tight. She takes her little hand, leaving her sweet bear with the princess nightgown like hers unattended and unhugged, and grabs the kiss I have blown to her. She smiles in triumph, kisses her hand and blows one back to me. I catch it and place it on my cheek. "I love you. Sweet dreams, sweet girl..."

Wesley is sitting on his bed, "reading" the books he has picked for me to read, and when I walk in, he jumps and gasps, "Oh Mama! You startled me." He says that every night, and I never catch him by surprise because he is actually waiting for me to walk in so that he can use the world startle. It is the only time of day that he uses that word. I play along, every time, "Oh Wessy! I am so sorry." I crawl into his bed, and we read books. Lately, one is about a bug of some sort and the other is about a vehicle of some sort.

When it is time for me to leave, he is never ready. He always wants more snuggle time. More milk. More stories. More time.

I think we all do.

"Catch my kiss! It's floating above your head!!!" He catches it, and I praise him, "Good catch!" He sends me one, too. "Oh thank you Wesley. I love your kisses!"

He smiles into his pillow, and I turn off the light and close the door.

12 Years Ago...

2011-10-13T06:06:00.003-04:00

...Jedd and I went on our first date. We went to Spaghetti Warehouse for "Warehouse Wednesday." That was my favorite restaurant at the time, and my little sister gave Jedd a heads up to that while he waited for me in the foyer.

We had an interesting first date. He talked a lot about an old girlfriend and sang a House of Pain song on the way home, to which I replied, "Wow...you have a mean voice?" And he didn't walk me to the door.

I obviously gave him a do-over...I mean seriously, I'd been crushing on him for weeks. He was the smartest cute boy I ever met. He was an English major, too, and I loved the way he wrote.

Honestly, I had no idea that bad first date would be my most favorite, memorable date ever...one I've celebrated for a dozen years now.

I heard a song on the radio a couple of weeks ago, and I felt like I could sing it to him. It's called "God Gave Me You" by Blake Shelton. God blessed me tremendously when He gave me Jedd, and I truly believe He did give me Jedd. And I know He gave me to Jedd. That boy has had my heart in his hand for a long time now...

"God Gave Me You"

I’ve been a walking heartache
I’ve made a mess of me
The person that I’ve been lately
Ain’t who I wanna be

But you stay here right beside me
And watch as the storm blows through
And I need you

Cause God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
And for when I think I lost my way
There are no words here left to say, it’s true
God gave me you
Gave me you

There’s more here than what we’re seeing
A divine conspiracy
That you, an angel lovely
Could somehow fall for me
You’ll always be love’s great martyr
And I’ll be the flattered fool
And I need you

God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
And for when I think I lost my way
There are no words here left to say, it’s true
God gave me you

On my own I’m only
Half of what I could be
I can’t do without you
We are stitched together
And what love has tethered
I pray we never undo

Cause God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
And for when I think I lost my way
There are no words here left to say, it’s true
God gave me you, gave me you.
He gave me you.

I thank God every day for giving me you, Sweet Husband.

Flashback Friday: Wesley's 12 Month Stats (a month late)

2011-10-07T11:55:00.003-04:00

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Wesley's 12 Month Check-Up...a little late (as usual)

Wesley had his 12 month check-up on Friday (at 13 months and 6 days). In my defense, his 9 month check-up was late due to rescheduling because of a cold and I wanted to make sure there was sufficient space inbetween visits so he wasn't getting his shots too close together.

Anyway, here's the stats:

My boy is 22.5 pounds, 33.5 inches, with a 19.5 inch head.

He did super-well and talked the doctor's head off!

More Dancing Babies

2011-10-05T06:03:00.000-04:00

I have another video for you! Don't worry, this one is less than a minute. You might watch it twice! I love it. All of it! Wesley's rockin' guitar and Bailey's facial expressions. And the dancing. I love dancing babies!!

Are You Ready To Rock?

2011-10-03T06:59:00.005-04:00

This video is a little over 3 minutes long, and I'm not sure even a Grandparent will make it through the whole thing, but I think it's hilarious. Bailey is dancing and making the weirdest noise ever, oh no, not ever, until Wesley starts howling like a rock star...like a Mater Rock Star. Because he.is.Mater!! And he's ready to rock...Are you?

Isn't it so loud at my house? I love it! Most of the time :)

Flashback Friday: Wesley is 13 Months Old

2011-09-30T06:50:00.000-04:00

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Wesley is 13 Months Old Today!

Posted by Jamie at 4:40 PM

Bailey is 23 Months Old

2011-09-28T06:30:00.002-04:00

Bailey is going to be 2 in a month. Where does the time go? I know how it goes: quickly. But where does it go?

She continues to entertain me with what comes out of her mouth. She seriously says the funniest things. Here is an example of a typical conversation with B:

B: I close my eyes for a long time.
Me: You did! You took a long nap!
B: I had sweet dreams. Bout YOU!
Me: You did?! What did we do in your dream?
B: We played fire twucks!
Me: Did we read any books?
B: Yes!
Me: Really? Which ones?
B: The Bible.
Me: What did we read about in the Bible?
B: Jesus!!!
Me: What did Jesus do in the story?
B: He played baseball!

Bailey also loves to sing. She turns everything into a song. The other day we were coming home from somewhere, and the babies were in the backseat. Wesley was being quiet and looking out the window, and Bailey said, "What's wrong Wessy?" He said nothing was wrong. She asked him multiple times (such a little woman!?!) and he got aggravated and said, "I said nothing is wrong!" (Such a little man!?!). So Bailey started singing "Nothiiiiinnnnngggg's wronggggg. Nothiiiiinnnnnggg's wroooooooonnnnnng. Oh Ladybuuuuuuggggg." It was hilarious. She often combines her songs, too. The "Jesus Loves Me" remix features B-I-N-G-O!

She also loves to dance. Her dance is adorable. She pretty much hops on one leg while the other leg moves her around in a circle. She throws her hands up and down as she spins.

Oh the happiness that is B...

She's been peeing in the froggy potty more often, and I'm fixin' to take it more seriously. Right now, she's so excited to pee in the froggy potty that she sits on it with all of her clothes on, hops up and says, "I did it!" She is so proud of herself. So I started trying to go with her and help her take off her diaper and try for real.

I mean seriously, how much fun is she? I'm so blessed.

My sweet Bailey Boo is going to be two next month. We're celebrating at the farm...but more on that later.

Walking Joys and Grace

2011-09-27T18:50:00.000-04:00

Jedd dropped us off at the airport this morning, and as soon as we stepped on the curb, an airline attendant came to me and asked if I would need any assistance. My eyes jumped up and down with my nodding head, and just to clarify, I said, "Oh yes! Thank you, because I have two babies and a big suitcase!" He walked away to get one of those grocery carts for baggage, and my babies stood perfectly still in awe and wonder of an airport while I adorned them with their new, perfect-for-you-sized bookbags--Wesley's was camoflauge and Bailey's was Hello Kitty. I asked them to hold hands, and then I grabbed Bailey's hand, and pulled my giant suitcase with my free hand.

And we walked. Ever so slowly, but we had time. It was so orderly and perfect. And working. The man met us right before we entered the automatic doors, and I thanked him for being willing to help, but my babies were willing to cooperate, and I was going to ride with it!

As I was walking, I felt so beautiful. Like more beautiful than ever. And not like the kind of beautiful that a gorgeous handbag or shiny necklace makes you feel. These are far more precious than accessories. But they were making me feel so beautiful...

Perhaps because my hand was grasping God's blessings--walking joys and grace--all smiles and big eyes. And we had time to walk slowly. And I took that time to let that light shine on me, walking slowly, all smiley and big-eyed.

Our flight got cancelled because an airplane employee drove a luggage carrier into the nose of the airplane. By the time we walked out of the airport I had a headache and a shortage of grace. We spent the afternoon at home, and the babies ran around without pants on. Bailey, just in a diaper and one sock, was a maniac...splashing in the toilet right after her brother peed in it, spitting chewed apples on my leg, squeezing her juice box all over her high chair tray, and hiding under her crib...

But even still...my walking joys and grace...God's abundance in my care.

Growing

2011-09-23T14:52:00.000-04:00

I'm joining The Gypsy Mama in her "Five Minute Friday" linkup today. Every Friday, she gives a topic and you set a timer and write about the topic for 5 minutes. No over-thinking or over-analyzing. Just writing. Free-writing. Today's topic is Growing.

Ready. Set. Go!

My babies are growing. So fast. Each new day seems to bring a new discovery. For them, and then me. Discovering something new they have discovered never gets old...

Wesley's imagination is in full flight. This morning, he took a black lego and used it to stamp the back of a stack of books for Bailey to check out of his library. Later, he was chasing the vacuum, daring it to run over his toes, and I couldn't help but think of a time when he would cower on the couch and scream the whole time I had to vacuum. I quickly remembered the lengths at which I would go just to vacuum and keep him from crying. All the careful planning to vacuum...

And now that time is over. And I am glad. We got through it. He worked it out. He realized it wasn't that scary.

I think of the things that just work themselves out as we grow. And I'm reminded that this growing has nothing to do with my forcing. I can't force fears away. I can't force an imagination to take flight.

And I started thinking about myself. My own growing. In Him. And all the times I tried to force myself to be a certain way. You can't force that and it be genuine. He works it out.

Growing is on its own, in its own time.

Done.

That was fun, and a little harder than I thought it would be...five minutes is not that long!! You can give it a try, too...

These are the things...

2011-09-22T16:16:00.000-04:00

Last night, I didn't do the dishes. I didn't put the babies to bed on time. Instead, I gave them a bath and put on their PJ's, and then we put a bunch of blankets and pillows on the floor and watched Tangled. We didn't finish the movie because they got sleepy, even though they really didn't want to get sleepy. The late night didn't bring a late morning because my babies just don't work that way. But it could have, and it would have been okay. I am thankful for that.

Those blankets are still on the floor, and there is something so weirdly comforting about them. Like because they are there, we could, at any moment, just snuggle and cozy up to each other. And we could. But we always could. And we do. I am thankful for that.

Wesley has brought all of his matchbox cars into the living room. I overheard him identifying each one to Bailey, always a teacher. I recognize my own voice in his often, more of the teaching and compassion parts than the frustrated and exhausted parts. I am thankful for that.

Bailey picks books from her shelf and plops down on the living room floor, and she reads out loud to herself. She has memorized the story. I hear my voice in hers--the silly inflections and the opportunity to teach in each page. I am thankful for that.

I know it is a blessing to get to stay home with them. To watch them grow. To stay up late. To snuggle without rushing. To give them my voice and help them find their own. To see these little moments on top of each other, forever piling into a tower of days in a city of years. To have this opportunity to help build this city and know my way around it...I am blessed. I know this, and I give thanks to Him and seek His forgiveness when I act like I have forgotten.

another lesson learned from Monkey

2011-09-20T08:33:00.000-04:00

Wesley tripped over one of his trash trucks and bumped his head on the Sesame Street table that we keep in the middle of the living room floor for coloring and eating snacks and doing puzzles. He cried out and looked straight for me. I watched his eyes scan the room until they found mine and they locked, and then he threw his arms up for me to come get him and pick him up and hold him and comfort him and kiss his boo-boo.

All the while, I was running toward him, "Ohh, Sweet-Boy, I'm so sorry. Are you okay? You bumped your head. Let Mama kiss it."

I scooped him up, kissed him and he put his head on my shoulder. He told me about the trash truck and how it tripped him. I swayed with him and gave him a tickle in the ribs once I knew he was okay.

He giggled, "I'm all better, Mama" and went back to playing.

I sat back down on the couch, realizing again that he has so much to teach me...

Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.
1 Peter 5:7

I need my Savior...I should only lock eyes with His in times of trouble and just as quickly as I ran to Wesley, He will come to me, pick me up, make me whole, give me Peace and Strength and Joy. I have a Father in Heaven Who loves me, and I don't have to figure anything out without Him.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge him,
And he will make your paths straight.”
(Proverbs 3:5-6)

I am linking up with Heather at the EO today! Come join the fun and Just Write...

Isle of Wight County Fair 2011

2011-09-19T19:20:00.000-04:00

We went to the county fair on Friday night. Originally, Gammy, Boogie and K were going to come on Saturday and we were all going to go while Jedd worked, but it was supposed to rain on Saturday, so on a whim I asked Jedd if he thought we could just go Friday night. And we did.

I told Wesley we were going to the fair, and he said, "Uh, what's the difference?" I said, "What do you mean? We are going to the fair?" And he said, with his eyes looking sideways, "But I don't understand. What does that mean? What is a fair?"

So I told him it was a fun place to go that had monster trucks and animals and yummy food and rides. And I think the only thing he heard was monster trucks, and he promptly asked if he could bring his monster truck library book to the fair so he could name the ones that were there.

Um yeah, he's still three. Amazing and brilliant, but still three.

And when we got to the fair, he didn't care about anything except seeing a monster truck, so we headed there first so he would actually enjoy the rest of the fair.

And then we asked Wesley if he wanted to ride it, and he said Yes...

And it never occurred to me that B might want to, but upon seeing her beloveds climb the steps into the truck she kicked her foot against my leg (she was in a sling) and said, "I want to ride dat mawnsta twuck, tooooo!!"

So we did.

And I'm not sure which one of us regretted that decision first. Here's our faces once it started to actually go. She's freaking out and I'm praying my heart out...

But my boy loved every second!

Next we headed to the rides, and we let Wesley ride the cars. He could pick whichever he wanted, and he chose the fire truck. He looked so adorable waiting for his turn!

Then we all rode the carousel, and Bailey was excited until the horse actually started moving up and down, so we had to move to a seat. But she really enjoyed that. I felt like I was going to vomit because carousels go faster than I thought, but hey, the kids were happy :)

Afterwards, it was time to eat. We got the babies an ice cream cone and Jedd and I enjoyed some Greek food. It was delicious! But I don't think we enjoyed our food as much as the babies enjoyed their ice cream! Bailey dropped hers, and I did what any good mom would do...I picked it up, brushed off the dirt I could see and then licked a layer off of it so she wasn't exposed to any of the germs/dirt from the hay floor. When I told my mom that story, she said, "Good job! You sure have come a long way!" It's true, I have. I've always said that though...'Bailey came and taught me to relax.'

It was a great night, and I can't wait to go again next year!

Flashback Friday: Fun Weekend

2011-09-16T08:50:00.000-04:00

I can't believe how huge I was...

Monday, September 7, 2009

Fun Weekend

We had a great 3 day weekend! Jedd was busy, as usual, but still had time to hang out with Wesley and me. Saturday morning, he and his dad fixed some tile in our master bathroom (will this project ever be done?), and Grandma Coburn came along to spend some time with Wesley. She read him his favorite monkey book, and it was neat to watch him actually sit still and listen!

Yesterday, we all went to Plaza Azteca for a late lunch and then off to Mt. Trashmore so Wesley could play at the park. I let Wesley try some chips at Plaza, and it didn't go over to well later that night. YUCK. Stinkiest poo. Ever. It smelled like someone was getting a perm!

Off to more fun, pleasant topics...aren't Jedd and Wesley so cute playing together?

Wesley and I rode the airplane. I think I had more fun than him. He wasn't too sure what to think of it.

Today, it is raining, and I declared it "Pajama Day." So Jedd and Wesley are getting in some long overdue snuggle time, and I am getting some long overdue ME time :)

Where I'm From...

2011-09-15T23:02:00.000-04:00

I am from classic rock cassette tapes in my mom’s Thunderbird, from Cabbage Patch Kids and coming home right before dark in desperate need of a bath.

I am from a new place every few years and the Mama who made each of them home.

I am from black eyed Susans renamed Brown Eyed Jamies, carnations on Valentine’s Day and honeysuckles on the walk home from school.

I am from piling in one bed on Christmas Eve and giggling until morning, from Tina and Juetta and Herb.

I am from screaming what you mean, even if it’s Thanksgiving and dropping everything to help out a friend.

From your face will stay that way and you’ll go blind if you keep reading in the dark.

I am from Jesus Loves Me. All the time. No matter what. I can’t earn it, but I can count on it, and I can tell you all about it.

I’m from a small town in the Midwest, a city on the East Coast, and the passenger seat of a white truck on the roads inbetween. I am from Doritos crushed between ham and cheese on white bread sandwiches that my sister made and a heaping bowl of sugary cereal before bed.

From the showing up at the back door covered in sewage sludge because I took a dare, the hosing down in the backyard that followed, and the shiny ring my drunk uncle made out of a lightning bug and then wrapped around my finger before I ran off crying.

I am from the top of the closet where the vacuum lives, the shoeboxes I cannot throw away, a dusty pile in my Grandma’s living room, and cigar boxes my Grandpa saved. I am from stories worth repeating and ashes in a heart.

I am from second chances and working hard, holding on and letting go and moving on and staying true…laughing till it hurts and crying when you must.

I am from her and him and him and her and them.

Stuff My Grandma Taught Me

2011-09-14T22:29:00.000-04:00

My Grandma is heavy on my heart lately, and that makes her the center of my thoughts a lot. Today, I was thinking of how much I have learned from her through the years. I lived with her (either at her house or my parents' house) for a lot of my childhood, and as an adult, our telephone conversations and visits have been very important and special to me. Her presence in my life is powerful. There are over a thousand miles of physical distance between us, but she is still so present in my life. I carry her inside of me, and I am quite confident it is a part of her that no one else has. Just as she has a part of me that no one else does. This connection has served as a front row seat in life lessons from her. Here are some I've been remembering today:

Begging is annoying. And there is a difference between begging and being persistent.

"The more you stir sh!t, the more it stinks."

It will be all right.

Putting WD-40 on your knee cap doesn't actually loosen up the joint.

It's okay to just be with yourself, by yourself, sometimes. Be Still...

When a child knows, really knows, that you believe in them, that child is going to try hard to be worth believing in.

You just gotta do what you gotta do. Especially when it comes to taking care of your family.

A good story is worth repeating.

It's foolish to cheat at solitaire.

A porch swing can make most days better.

Spooning is like sitting on someone's lap while you sleep.

How to play Yahtzee and Gin Rummy.

How to krochet

Sometimes you should just keep your mouth shut...

Sometimes you shouldn't.

Jesus loves us. And we really are capable of unconditional love...

What did your Grandma teach you?

best feeling ever

2011-09-13T08:51:00.000-04:00

Wesley shouts, "I love you!" at random times. Usually in the middle of crazy spinning or tossing toys. He is wild with happiness and it spills over for us and he shouts it.

The other night he chose an animal picture book as his goodnight book, and we were pointing at animals and naming them. He pointed to a sea dragon and called it a sea horse. I said it was a sea dragon and he started fake-crying. So I joined him, and he thought it was hilarious. He made me "cry" the rest of the book. And while I did, he giggled and giggled and giggled, and only paused to gasp, "I love you!" and then went back to the giggling.

I decided that was a new best feeling ever. Ever since he arrived, he's been giving me new best feelings ever.

And then his sister came later, and she started adding to the pile of best feeling ever moments I am blessed to get to feel. And just as quickly as she arrived, she started shining and talking and laughing and running and hugging and kissing.

So many times I wish I carried around a recorder so I could promise myself I would remember that thing she said because I can't believe she said that. But I remember in my heart and they turn into these feelings that feel like the best feeling ever.

I don't deserve to get a new one every day, but I do. And I want to remember. And I try so hard to remember, especially when they start fighting and telling on each other, and stealing toys from each other, and throwing their food, and not eating their food and knocking over towers and throwing balls in the house and walking on the couch and jumping on the bed and pulling hair and crying for no reason and standing strong in the resistance that just is because they just are, and I can feel it start to feel like too much...

I want to pause, and I want to remember that this too-much-feeling is not the feeling that stays or matters. It's the new best-feelings-ever that matter and come in waves just by being around them and watching them just be...

like the way their names sound in each others' voice and that silly smile Bailey gives when she puts her face as close to mine as possible and sticks her chin out like it knows a secret and the jumpy thing Wesley does when he gets excited and the impromptu dance parties in the living room and all the requests for snuggles and the funnies, oh the funnies, they are so funny...and the raw, honest, pure love they just pour on to me

far beyond what I deserve

But I take it all. I soak it in. And feel it, all of it, these new best feelings ever...

This post is linking up to Heather at The EO's Just Write exercise

Weekend Review

2011-09-11T22:25:00.000-04:00

This weekend was relaxing, low key and fun. Friday night, we just hung around at home. Jedd and I watched Dinner For Schmucks, which is a total Jedd movie, and I laughed on accident :)

Saturday, the babies decided to wake up at 5:15AM, so that was a tough morning! My Dad came over for dinner and spent the afternoon with us. I made this recipe, only I wrapped it in bacon, too! It was so good!

My Dad and Jackie had Wesley's birthday present delivered here, but I held on to it when I found out he was coming over so Wesley could open it with my Dad. Jackie had to work, and I wish she could have been here, too! They got him Stinky the talking trash truck. He was a little stand offish at first, because it's a talking trash truck :) But Bailey was not even kind of scared. The truck eats matchbox cars, and she was feeding it and even stuck her hand in his mouth. He even sings, and when he did, my girl danced for him! Wesley was super entertained by it all, but from Paw Paw or DaDa's arms! He eventually started getting a matchbox car out of his bucket and tossing it near Stinky. And from there, he eventually started playing with it.

And he hasn't stopped...

Today, we went to church, and it was an awesome service! Our pastor preached on Luke 7:36-50, and I love that passage anyway, but his sermon on it was awesome. I had goosebumps and tears and it took everything I had not to shout "Amen!" a time or two. Afterwards, my friend's precious kids came home with us so they could play while their parents helped move our church from the high school to the YMCA. The babies had so much fun having company, and those kids are so easy! And they took an easy, long nap afterwards!

When they woke up, we went for a run and then came home and had dinner. I made this recipe, but I spread cream cheese on the bottom of the casserole dish. Oh my goodness, I had thirds. Seriously, I made a pig out of myself. The babies ate it, too!...and that's always a good thing, because they're cute, but they can ruin a dinner.

I was really thankful for a quiet weekend at home, and I am looking forward to returning to some normalcy this week!

Happy Birthday Grandpa!

2011-09-09T06:10:00.002-04:00

Today would have been my Grandpa's 83rd birthday...I've been thinking about him a lot these last couple of weeks. I'm happy that he gets to celebrate his birthday with Jesus this year, but I miss him really bad. I miss picking the perfect card for him...the one that would make him so proud. He was the strongest man to me, but he always let me tug his gentle heart.

I was thinking about birthdays and presents...he was my present from God. He really was. A perfect gift. So much of my life was just better because of him, in so many different kind of ways. Sometimes I think God gave me the perfect Grandpa so I would have an easier time understanding His unconditional love...

Happy Birthday Grandpa. I love you and miss you so much.

When Did You Get Big?

2011-09-06T22:11:00.000-04:00

I ask him all the time, but he doesn't know the answer...

He is getting so big. Like not on the outside, I mean, he's totally normal, but on the inside, he's just bigger. Smart and caring and sweet and funny and thoughtful. (Thoughtful as in full of thoughts, not thoughtful as in considerate. I mean, he's three.) And those thoughts fill him up so much that he shares them, out loud, all day long. He talks a lot, and it has been such an honor to get to watch him think things through and figure stuff out and put it all together in his mind and then tell me about it.

I'm just so stinking proud of him.

And I keep looking at him and I see those same baby eyes looking up at me, only there's so much more behind them, yet his perspective remains so innocent and positive and hopeful...

I can't believe how fast time goes. It didn't go this fast before he was here.

We've entered the realms of 'No! I do it myself.' and 'Let me!' and 'I can do it, Mama.' In no time at all, things that he was scared to try, like big slides at parks, are his favorite part about parks. He's trusting himself more, and it makes me so proud. And I just feel so blessed to get to watch it all.

I swear, some days it doesn't feel like I blinked, (I try really hard not to), and it doesn't matter...I look at him, and he is bigger.

Just bigger.

And I don't know when it happened.

Trash Truck Party

2011-08-31T16:19:00.000-04:00

I started planning/obsessing over Wesley's birthday party last winter...it's because I was so excited about it. He is obsessed with trash trucks, and I thought it would be the perfect theme for his birthday. However, you can't just go to Party City and buy the "trash truck" collection of birthday party supplies, so I started doing a little research online and came up with a lot of ideas to make a fun trash party.

But I didn't plan on Irene coming and forcing us to cancel it :(

But! we were heading to my mom's house anyway in an attempt to get further away from the storm, and his cousins live in that area anyway, so we still had a trash truck party, but with fewer guests.

Here are some of the details of the party:

The invitations were sent in paper bags with shredded newspapers (trash), and they said "We're talking trash for Wesley's 3rd Birthday!...So dump everything and head over to our collection site for a stinking fun time, games and junk food….
at our dump….
litter us know if you can make it…

I got this idea from this site

I collected "clean trash" for a couple of months before the party so that we could play a trash truck game. I originally planned on scattering the trash all over the backyard and letting the little ones run around and dump it in the trash truck, but we had the party inside so I went to Target and got those little trash grabber things they have at the end of the aisle. You might be wondering what trash truck...oh let me show you! It is the one that Jedd made out of a cardboard box!

It even had a personalized license plate!

For the game, I gave each of the kids a grabber, spread the "trash" all over the floor and they picked it up! They had a blast!

Wesley took this game very seriously :)

For the cake, I ordered the Wilton dump truck pan and iced it green to look like a trash truck. It is kind of small so I also made cupcakes. I made some of the cupcakes look like trash cans by using silver cupcake liners and topping them with chocolate icing and crushed up chex mix.

I originally planned on serving hot dogs (junkyard dogs), pasta salad (wet noodles), potato chips (sack of rotten potatoes), fruit salad (fruit compost), chex mix ("trash") and chocolate doughnuts (spare tires). But it was raining, so we had a taco bar. (SO YUMMY), but I still served spare tires and trash.

We served drinks straight out of the cooler and called them "recyclables"!

The decorations were easy :) A lot of newspaper! :) I made his banner out of newspaper and black construction paper and ribbon. I used trash bags for the cake table and even to wrap his big present! I bought green and white paper products. I also incorporated silver so everything was served in silver serving dishes. We got green and silver balloons from the Dollar Tree and used his toy trash trucks as weights. Luckily, Dollar Tree also had truck balloons! I took a picture of Wesley in his I love Garbage Trucks t-shirt and had it framed at placed in the foyer.

For the goodie bags, I bought green gift bags, filled them with favors and called it "trash"

Here are some more pictures from the party!

Wesley's response to his party! I love it!!

Chip ate her cupcake :(

It was a fun day! I was kind of bummed when I found out this party was going to go exactly as I planned, but quickly realized that it wasn't about me or my plans. It was Wesley's party and Wesley's day, and we were celebrating Wesley! He got his trash truck cake and trash truck game (which is what he talked about for weeks), and we were surrounded by family! It was a great party, and I'm really thankful that my mom let us have it at her house and for all the work she did to help me make it happen.

Bailey is 22 Months Old...and I'm a little late in writing about it

2011-08-31T14:58:00.000-04:00

But it's not my fault, it's Irene's fault. But, on to cuter subjects:

Bailey is 22 months old. She is smart and beautiful and funny and adorable, and I love being her Mama! There are not a lot of new developments since the 21 month post, except that she gets more lovely every day...

Some funny stuff: she continues to ask me daily if I am sweaty. If I call her anything but Bailey, like say 'Mama's Girl' she quickly corrects me that she is Bailey.

She wants me to potty train her so bad. I might have to. I was hoping to get Wesley squared away first, but she knows how to take her diaper off now, so it might not be my choice anymore!

She's been sleeping through the night again for the last couple of weeks, and that is a huge blessing. All I had to do was put a baby guard on my bed so I would be prepared for when she did wake up in the middle of the night, and she stopped. That's kind of how my life works these days :) Plan and it won't happen. Ha! Ha! But I'll take it!

She loves to eat any kind of pasta, cheese, oranges, apples, goldfish crackers and any kind of zert (dessert). She has a sweet tooth...

She has stopped biting so much, but now we have a problem with hair-pulling.

She and Wesley have done more playing together lately than fighting, and that is a huge blessing, and I am enjoying it until a new phase begins!

She loves to slide, swing, play with bubbles and color. She takes really good care of her babies, but I think she prefers playing trucks with Wesley.

She has her Daddy wrapped around her finger, and she misses him a lot when he's traveling.

She is such a good girl. I truly can't say enough how blessed I am to be her Mama and that I get to be at home with her. I thank God every day...

You Are Three: A Letter For My Boy

2011-08-26T01:31:00.007-04:00

Dear Wesley,

Today, you are three. Three years old. In my mind, I can still quickly find an image for each of your birthdays and Christmases. I can still picture your first summer...that first season you were in this world...that season in which you changed mine.

I had no idea.

Being a mom was both the hardest and easiest thing I've ever done. Being your mom was the greatest gift I've ever received...and I get to receive it over and over again. Each new day.

Sweet Boy, you make me so proud. Your eyes are windows. I'm curious to see if we have so much in common in our personalities or if all this time I've been super-blessed with a crazy Mama-intuition, but I get you...I get you in a way I've never gotten anything or anyone. I feel like you get me, too...

You are so precious and smart and funny and beautiful...so very beautiful. I know you're a boy, and soon you won't like it when I use words like beautiful to describe you, but my Sweet Boy, you are beautiful. Inside and out. You have been filled with wonder since that first season and you have taken so much of the beauty around you in and let so much of the beauty in you out, and every day I thank God that I get to be your Mama and that I get to be a part of it all and I get to see it, most of it, every day. I get you, Kid. Please don't forget that. Ever. Even when you're big. I'm on your side...

You're knocking on Big's door. I try not to stop you, but I have to tell you that when you come up to me and randomly want to pretend you're a baby, I like it. I rock you to a "wuwwaby" or hold you on one arm and make baby talk with you. You giggle, and your favorite part is when I drop you when the wuwwaby says "down will fall Wessy, cradle and all."

But then you do something bigger like show me how easy it is to forgive and move on and remember the promises we make. And I hear Big coming to the door to answer...

I'm not going to stop you...I just need you to remember that I get you...and I'm always on your side.

I love you, Sweet Boy. What an absolute honor it is to be your Mama.

Happy, happy Birthday.

Love,
Mama

Beach Vacation

2011-08-25T21:07:00.000-04:00

We got to join Grandma Jackie and family on their beach vacation this year. We had so much fun. I love Grandma Jackie's family...they are so loving and caring, and I always have fun with them.

me and Grandma Jackie

An extra bonus was that my sister and her two kids were visiting from Oklahoma, and I hadn't seen my newphew since he was 6 weeks old!

My sister Jessica and her two cutie-patooties!

I felt so blessed to get 4 days of visiting with them!

I was also excited about spending time with my other sister, Melissa who has been in Maryland for nursing school and my brother, Jeffrey.

My sisters Jess and Melissa "silly faces"

pretty smiles

My brother Jeffrey

There were five kids four and under in the house...cuteness was everywhere!

This is my cousin Ella. She and Bailey were instant friends!

Nicolas was giving Wesley big hugs! SO CUTE!

The beach with the babies was so much fun! I've enjoyed watching Wesley enjoy the beach for a couple of summers, but this year was the first time Bailey really enjoyed it, too. When she first saw the water, she said, "The water is jumping!" It made me want to make more of an effort to go to the beach more often. We are just so happy there.

I love love love this picture of my niece Sammy!

Wesley pretended to be a bulldozer on the beach, and he would push the sand. He was doing it while we were walking back to the house, and it was taking forever. I finally said, "Can you be a super fast monster truck now and run over the sand?!" It worked. I was actually quite proud of myself :)

I think Bailey's favorite thing about the beach was sitting and eating a snack! That's my girl!!

She did join in on the fun that was being had in the "Kiddie-beach." Everyone dug this big hole on the beach with a tunnel attached so the tide would fill it with water. She would stand on the edge and jump in. It was pretty cute!

Her face in this picture cracks me up!

My Dad wasn't able to come the whole time, but he came over one evening after work to play with the babies, and they had a blast! He built a tent out of a chair and a blanket. The kids had so much fun. He is such a good Grandpa.

We even went to a water park one day. I didn't bring my camera so I don't have any pictures, but I won't forget it. Everyone had such an awesome time, and there was something for everyone to do. When we first got there, Wes and Bailey were clinging to me in fear, and by the time we left they were both going down slides and running all over the kiddie part. Wesley even went down a big person slide with his Grandma Jackie!! I was so proud of him. He cried when we had to go back to the kiddie section! Thankfully, there were three slides that were sort of big-kiddish that made up for it! I was so excited by how much fun he was having!

One day, I was sitting beside Wesley on the beach, right where the ocean stops and rolls back down on the beach, and Bailey was on my lap. We were digging our hands in the wet sand, and I would pull out a shell and take turns handing it to one of them to throw back in the ocean. I all of a sudden realized how content and overwhelmingly blessed I felt. My heart started praising God, and I wondered what Heaven was like. I'm so thankful that my babies make me wonder what Heaven is like...I'll add it to the list of beautiful, important things they have done for me in these last few years.

We left today, and it was hard for me to say goodbye to my sister. I always want more time with her every time I get a little, but this time I got a lot more than usual, so I just felt sad walking away. But then I just focused on the sweet time we shared and that our babies know who we are now...

That's What B Said!

2011-08-22T10:24:00.000-04:00

Bailey's been saying her fair share of funny and I-can't-believe-she-just-said-that stuff lately. Here's a few that I'd like to share/remember:

She's recently become super fascinated with her baby dolls. That's been fun. While she was playing with her babies one day, I asked, "Bailey, What's your baby's name?" Bailey answered, "House."

Jedd was traveling a few weeks ago, and he was gone for a while. One day she woke up from her nap and when I went in to get her she said, "Mama, I saw Da Da." I said, "You did! Did you have sweet dreams about Da Da?" She said, "I saw him. He's on couch." I said, "Do you want to call Da Da and talk to him?" She said, "No, I see Da Da. On couch." I said, "No, Da Da is not on the couch but we can call him so you can talk to him." She said, "No, I see him." So we went into the living room where she promptly spotted an empty couch and she screamed and cried. I tried to make her feel better and calmed her down by saying we would call Da Da and she could talk to him. Then I called Jedd and ~~broke his heart~~ told him what happened and put the phone to Bailey's ear. Jedd said, "Hey Sweet Darlin' " And she screamed and cried. It was sad and adorable.

When Jedd came home, they were already asleep, but Bailey ended up in our bed early the next morning. When she saw Jedd she said, "Mama, there's Da Da." I said, "Yeah! Da Da's home." She said, "Awww, I love him."

When I tuck Bailey in at night, we have a little ritual and it includes me saying "Night Night Bailey. I see you in the morning. You sleep all night like a big girl." When she was tucking her baby doll in to her crib, she said, "Night Night Baby. Sleep all night. Kay?!"

Bailey has started saying "Oh Goody! Goody!" and "Silly Goober." Oh and "What you talking bout?!!?"

Seriously??!?

I'm pretty sure most moms haven't peed alone in many years. When I go now, Bailey says "Good Boy!"

I made the babies ravioli for dinner and the pasta sauce had herbs in it. Bailey told me her "olis dirty" because she could see the herbs (that did look like grass) were on her raviolis.

She was misbehaving, and I said, "Bailey, stop it." She put her hand out like a stop sign and said, "FREEZE!"

We were reading one of the devotions in her baby Bible and it was about Jesus washing the disciples' feet. That evening, I didn't give her a bath, but I washed her feet because they were stinky. I said, "Mama is washing your dirty feet." She said, "Jesus wash feet." And I said, "Yes! That's right. Jesus washed his friends' feet." The next day I was getting her ready for her nap and I said "Bailey girl, you are dirty. Da Da is going to have to give you a bath tonight." And she said, "No he wash my feet."

Another time before nap, I was changing her diaper and she said, "Mama, I go potty on froggy potty." I said "Okay." I didn't get excited or anything because she has been interested in the potty for a while because of the potty training that has been going on with Wesley. She sits on the froggy potty while her brother goes potty, but she usually has on her clothes. This time she didn't because I had been changing her diaper. And she went! I said Good Job, Bailey! WOW!!" And she said, "Okay, I need chocate now!"

I can't believe how big she is, and how well she communicates. I just love her so much, and it has been my honor to watch her fun and sweet personality develop!!

Weekend Review: The One That Went Fast

2011-08-21T22:23:00.000-04:00

I don't have any pictures for this post...

Friday was a busy day...the babies and I headed to Newport News after the gym to get stuff for Wesley's birthday party. As usual, they were amazing. Bailey got a little rebellious, but that's just her style these days. We ate at Chick-fil-a afterwards, and they fell asleep on the way home. That evening, Jedd and I fed the babies dinner and planned on having ours after they went to bed. You know so we could enjoy a little conversation with our meal...

Earlier in the day, my daily email from Productive Parenting suggested I show Wesley pictures from magazines and then ask "What happened next?" I decided to give it a try. Of course, I included Bailey in the activity even though it was a suggested activity for a late two year old. But as you will see, it was definitely an age-appropriate activity.

I showed Wesley and Bailey a picture of three kids sitting on a tailgate in their swimsuits. I asked Wesley, "What's going on here?!" He promptly answered, "These kids are going swimming in the ocean. And then they will surf. But first, they have to put on sunscreen."

Then I looked at Bailey and said, "What are these kids going to do?" And she said, "I don't know..."

It was a nice night. We just all hung out...no TV, no computers. Just us...completely entertained by cute babies.

Saturday, we got up and went to the gym. Afterwards we played in the backyard and went to the park. It was a fun morning. I was really relishing in just having Jedd home. I missed him so bad while he was gone. Everything is just BETTER when he is here.

After the babies went down for a nap, I took a shower and headed to Gammy's house so we could go to the American Idol concert. We had a lot of fun. I'm pretty sure that was the first time we hung out just the two of us since that time she walked me all over retail world in an attempt to get Bailey to come out of me! So anyway, our time together was long overdue and I enjoyed every moment.

I also enjoyed the part where I went to bed and slept until I felt like waking up. Who knew I would sleep 11 hours?!?

Then I freaked out, brushed my teeth, grabbed some coffee and headed home to my beautiful family...

We just hung out today. It was a super fast weekend, but I was thankful for each fast minute.

Flashback Friday: Wesley's First Birthday

2011-08-19T06:00:00.005-04:00

Wesley is going to be three in exactly one week!! Here's a post from my original blog sharing all the birthday shenanigans of his first birthday:

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

A Monkey Party

Here are some pictures from Wesley's Monkey Party at Gammy's house!

Welcome to Monkey's 1st Birthday!

There were monkeys everywhere!!

And here's the cute monkey "cake" we made for him! My mom found this on ebay. It was so easy, just make the cupcakes, ice and arrange :)

And no first birthday is complete without a special little cake for the special little guy!

But he wasn't quite sure what to think of it!

He got lots of presents...

And lots of presents wrapped in Monkey paper!

Grandma Etta sent him some books from Missouri!

He didn't know what to think about all of the new toys just for him!

Aunt Boogie got him his first fishing rod...that made Daddy very excited!

And the CARS movie...that made Mommy very excited :)

Uncle Pook gave him a jack-in-the-box that had a sock monkey instead of a "jack." Super cute!!

The ABC train from Grandma and Grandpa Ivester was a big hit! Thanks to the "little man" inside, Wesley will learn a lot from it!

Jedd and I got him this chair (among other things) :). He is so cute in it!!

He loved all of the attention he got!!

And lots of people came and showered him with love and kisses!

With his Gammy (the one who made his party so special!...she cooked all the food and decorated her house to complete monkey madness!!)
And his Grandpa...

His Aunt Boogie...

And his proud parents...

Happy 1st Birthday Wesley!

I had no idea when I first held you that my heart could hold so much love. During those first few long and sleepless nights, I had no idea how short this year would seem. When it felt like I would never have time for anything else again, I had no idea how much more time I would want. There could never be enough. You are my greatest blessing, Sweet Baby Boy.

Today is Wesley's birthday!! ! We started the day off by busting into Wesley's room this morning, singing "Happy Birthday." He just laid there confused, looking at us out of the corner of his eye, but I think he was happy to have both of his parents in his room before having to let us know he was awake!

Then we quickly got dressed so we could set off for our first annual "Birthday Breakfast with Daddy." Jedd's Dad took him to breakfast on his birthdays and it meant a lot to him, so Jedd wanted to do the same for our kids. I tagged along this time so that Jedd could take a trip to the buffet and leave Wesley at the table.

Wesley had some cheerios, peaches, a french toast stick, eggs, and I even let Jedd give him morsels of bacon, sausage and ham. He loved it all!!

This afternoon, I am taking him to JCPenny's for his one year studio pictures!

Wesley's Truck Room

2011-08-18T21:32:00.000-04:00

We switched Wesley's room from monkeys to trucks! I picked up a truck comforter set at a yard sale a couple of months ago, and I got some more goodies at Target a couple of weeks ago. My mom got him some truck prints for his wall, so I've been excited to get it all together. It's all together!

the comforter with the trucks on it

the cool lamp from Target!

I love the pull on the lamp...it's a stop sign :)

We hung the other two pictures my mom got him on the wall with the window. The other three are over his bed.

We also went ahead and put the slats back in his bed. When we first set up his bed, he was only 18 months old, and I wanted it as close to the ground as possible. But we decided he was big enough to have a regular bed. He was so excited!

He said, "You built me a truck bed!!?!" There are not a lot of better feelings than knowing you just made your kid super excited!

Wesley will also be sleeping under the covers for the first time, too. He used to sleep on the top of his comforter with his monkey quilt as a blanket. But tonight, we tucked him in under the covers just like Mama and DaDa sleep.

He was pretty excited about that! He was also a little too excited about how easily he could turn on and off and on and off and on and off his lamp...

So I moved it to the other side of the nightstand...

I was kind of weepy?...Like we were putting him in a big boy bed all over again. Maybe because it was actually a bigger bed? I don't know. Maybe because he's just a big boy? Sigh, my baby is getting big...

Night-Night Wessy Boy...

The Smell of Memories

2011-08-16T21:55:00.000-04:00

I was walking from Wesley's room down the hallway, in a hurry, and then a smell stopped me in my tracks. I think my heart stopped, too.

It was the smell of my Grandpa. Pipe smoke and sunshine. The smell of an inside of a truck in the summertime.

In my hallway. It didn't belong, but I stopped and smelled. Sniffing the air like a dog in search of something.

I knew I wouldn't find him, but my mind followed the smell to summers on his front porch, his backyard, his truck, his lap...simple happiness.

My heart dropped, but without panic, more like a slow drifting leaf from a tree.

It was gone almost as quickly as I noticed it. And I can't explain it, but I was thankful that I embraced it.

Moments later, Wesley and I were snuggling in my bed because he was protesting a nap. He was restless, so I rolled away to put my back toward him, thinking the lack of attention would settle him down. He quickly snuggled up to my back and his little nose was tucked between my ear and my shoulder.

And I wondered if I had a smell to him. If there was a Mama-smell that he would take with him forever. One that he would recognize immediately. One that would carry with it the sweetest memories that he would smell it just because he was thinking of me.

I know that these days with him now, these moments, the simple ones, are attaching themselves to the smells that are around him now...we are right now where his mind might travel one afternoon many years from now.

It is my hope that on that day he is happy and thankful to revisit these summer afternoons...

Wes and Bailey Go To Busch Gardens!

2011-08-13T14:25:00.000-04:00

I took the babies to Busch Gardens for the first time on Thursday. As soon as we took the exit, and they saw the roller coasters, they were excited! While we were in line to park, Bailey kept saying "Rowwer Coasters, Mama?!"

Already excited, and we weren't even parked yet!

Once we got into the park, we headed to the Sesame Street Forest of Fun. We were meeting my friend Mandy and her girls there. The babies had a blast splashing in the water! I loved that there was only one way in and one way out, and I also appreciated that there was a designated spot to park your stroller!

After a while of splashing, Wesley said he wanted to walk around and look at stuff :) We headed over to some Oscar the Grouch thing they could climb. Wesley was very helpful to Bailey...

Bailey adores her brother, and I love love love it when they get along...

Then we headed to the Land of Dragons, but we stopped and had a picnic lunch on the way. We checked out the animals, but only for a second because Wesley quickly informed me, "No, we are not here to look at animals. We are here to do fun stuff."

Bailey was fascinated with this snake and asked if she could pet it. I stood in line, and thank God she changed her mind...

I would like to add that it never even crossed Wesley's mind to touch such a thing...

We stopped and watched the Griffon drop. I love their faces!

The Land of the Dragons was my favorite. They really enjoyed the rides, and there was a fun slide they could go down, too.

Then we went on rode some airplanes and bumper cars and hot air balloons...

It was one of my most favorite days ever. We will be going back very soon.

Flashback Friday: New PJs, New Attitude!

2011-08-12T06:11:00.001-04:00

Monday, August 17, 2009

New PJ's, New Attitude

Saturday, Jedd and I went to Toys R Us to pick out Monkey's first birthday presents. While we were there, I perused the clearance rack and found a special pair of jammies for a special boy who has been doing so well sleeping in his crib. Sunday night, we put them on and they were magical...there was no crying at all! And this morning, I had to wake him at 8am so we could get ready to go to my doctor's appointment. Tonight, there was no crying either. I am so thankful!!

Doesn't he look so cute in his new PJ's??